Youngins and Such
Owie! Looks like little Amy has learned a lesson - the hard way!Kids. You've got 'em. We don't want them either, but Chicken Sunday understands that the condom is Devil Wrap, and we sympathize with your pain. This is why every one of our locations is equipped with a very special Chicken Sunday ball pit, located in the kitchen. While you eat in peace, your children will be playing - as well as learning about the dangers of exploration and curiosity. We've put our gigantic deep-fryers purchased from decommissioned submarines on overtime as a boiling pits of frying medium, as well as wonder and hollow plastic balls. Fear is the only thing that will teach children. Remember that well. Make sure to tell your little folk that the bottom of every Chicken Sunday ball pit contains five jacks, and the first child to find all five pieces of jagged metal boiling in oil - and eat them - will get to ride the stairs! It's burlap sack ride through the bumpiness of imagination! On some lucky days, the kids may even get to meet Steve Penderson the Magic Chicken - if he's out on furlough from death row - and learn how to set opposing, "alternative" churches on fire! If you've got a problem tucking 'em in at night, just bring the kids down to Chicken Sunday. We'll see to it that you get a full belly - and a good night's rest!
Chicken Sunday is not responsible for missing or breaded children. Read the prospectus carefully.
Three Weeks of Quality Service
In the three weeks since a simple man with a middle school education hosed out a tool shed and squatted in it with some McNuggets, a dream has taken flight, painting our great country the colors of the chicken: red, white, and blue (note: many of our chicken parts are blue). I am that man. And in a world full of crotches scalded with hot coffee, e-coli burgers melting the insides of children, and milkshakes so think they're known to cause strokes in the elderly, I'm proud to announce that Chicken Sunday has not been responsible for a single handgun fatality. Good folks, good food, white meat values, and a marginal lack of gun violence; this is what Chicken Sunday is all about. But it's not like you have much say in the situation. You think you're going somewhere else on Sunday? I fucking dare you.
Look out for fun Chicken Sunday coupons in your local Penny Saver!
Finally: an advice column for the rest of us! (Who seek to enslave humanity.)
Even the most fervent gun control advocate would admit that guns kill people, not other guns. We must become the guns we wish to see in the world.
A Goon outs himself as a wizard and gets a warm reception from the rogues/rangers/paladins gallery!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.