The Pitch: Baby talks tough about stocks. Put your money on a computer and let a baby do it. Why not? Fuck it. Here baby. Download some apps for my droids. Got to invest in this touchdown. Good sellllll!
The Pitch: Never heard of this. Brand impression apple but tough apple. Brand concept memorized. See bottle and drink apple, but tough apple not pussy gay apple. Macbook.
The Pitch: From the cloud. The worm eating its own tail. Doritos are top tier snack brand. Monetize corns. Salt. Flavor dust. More salt. Give anything for Doritos. Way to ad for free, slaves.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Youtube user HolkHogan420 has been systematically exposing all of the Illuminati's plans.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.