The Pitch: Baby talks tough about stocks. Put your money on a computer and let a baby do it. Why not? Fuck it. Here baby. Download some apps for my droids. Got to invest in this touchdown. Good sellllll!
The Pitch: Never heard of this. Brand impression apple but tough apple. Brand concept memorized. See bottle and drink apple, but tough apple not pussy gay apple. Macbook.
The Pitch: From the cloud. The worm eating its own tail. Doritos are top tier snack brand. Monetize corns. Salt. Flavor dust. More salt. Give anything for Doritos. Way to ad for free, slaves.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
U2 and Apple have conspired to place a U2 album into your music in the year 2014. You own a U2 album. And you can't get rid of it.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.