Method: Eight hour sample of major network election coverage, plus post-election coverage where relevant to data.
States incorrectly "called" by at least one major media outlet: 2 (Missouri and New Mexico)
Number of major media outlets that agree on Democratic candidate delegate count: 0
Most expensive "election center": CNN (estimated $9.8 million)
Networks "stunned" by Mike Huckabee "comeback": 3Mike Huckabee delegate count: 190
Number of delegates required to win Republican Nomination: 1,191
Average hourly per-network references to a shared Democratic ticket: 12
Percentage of people who would be "satisfied to very satisfied" with their favored candidate as Vice President: 9%
Percentage of people who would be "unsatisfied to very unsatisfied" with their favored candidate as Vice President: 79%
Percentage of people too stupid or apathetic to have an opinion: 12%
Conclusion: Major media outlets have very little understanding of what is happening and all of their pundits and analysts fall into the category of people too stupid or apathetic to care whether or not a given candidate is Vice President, yet they believe everyone else thinks the same way.
Method: These facts and statistics were gathered from a variety of internal and external sources.
Percentage of population who believe Barack Obama is a Muslim: 29%
Percentage of population who believe moon landing faked: 28%
Percentage of population with IQ scores lower than 90: 25%
Amount of personal wealth Hillary Clinton loaned her campaign: $5 million
Net worth of Barack Obama: $1.3 million
Net worth of Dennis Kucinich: $200,000
Elizabeth Kucinich's hotornot.com rating: 8.4
Ron Paul's hotornot.com rating: 9.6
Laps Rudy Giuliani's bus took around Daytona while blasting the theme from "Rudy": 1
Delegates won by Rudy Giuliani: 1
Money spent by Rudy Giuliani during primary campaign: $49.8 million
Conclusion: It's better to be Dennis Kucinich than Rudy Giuliani.
Luckily for the terrible pollsters and the even-worse TV analysts, this election seems bound to drag on at least into March. Gird your souls against the coming tide of punditry, gentle readers.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
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