Super Tuesday Election Results

Method: Eight hour sample of major network election coverage, plus post-election coverage where relevant to data.

Number of major media outlets that agree on Democratic candidate delegate count: 0

States incorrectly "called" by at least one major media outlet: 2 (Missouri and New Mexico)

Most expensive "election center": CNN (estimated $9.8 million)

Networks "stunned" by Mike Huckabee "comeback": 3

Mike Huckabee delegate count: 190

Number of delegates required to win Republican Nomination: 1,191

Average hourly per-network references to a shared Democratic ticket: 12

Percentage of people who would be "satisfied to very satisfied" with their favored candidate as Vice President: 9%

Percentage of people who would be "unsatisfied to very unsatisfied" with their favored candidate as Vice President: 79%

Percentage of people too stupid or apathetic to have an opinion: 12%

Conclusion: Major media outlets have very little understanding of what is happening and all of their pundits and analysts fall into the category of people too stupid or apathetic to care whether or not a given candidate is Vice President, yet they believe everyone else thinks the same way.

Stupid Election Facts

Method: These facts and statistics were gathered from a variety of internal and external sources.

Percentage of population who believe Barack Obama is a Muslim: 29%

Percentage of population who believe moon landing faked: 28%

Percentage of population with IQ scores lower than 90: 25%

Amount of personal wealth Hillary Clinton loaned her campaign: $5 million

Net worth of Barack Obama: $1.3 million

Net worth of Dennis Kucinich: $200,000

Elizabeth Kucinich's rating: 8.4

Ron Paul's rating: 9.6

Laps Rudy Giuliani's bus took around Daytona while blasting the theme from "Rudy": 1

Delegates won by Rudy Giuliani: 1

Money spent by Rudy Giuliani during primary campaign: $49.8 million

Conclusion: It's better to be Dennis Kucinich than Rudy Giuliani.

Luckily for the terrible pollsters and the even-worse TV analysts, this election seems bound to drag on at least into March. Gird your souls against the coming tide of punditry, gentle readers.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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