General Shopping

Putting it on the Card

Doing Prepro on a Hoarders Episode

Squandering the College Fund

Justifying the Super Wal*Mart

Consuming the Cube


Grocery Shopping

Restocking the Velveeta

Settling for Bag Cereal

Gagging the Keurig

Refueling the Gamer

Biting the Bagels


Clothes Shopping

Shoeing the Clothes Horse

Fitching

Bape Hunting

Breaking XXL Bad

Jegging the Cube


Gift Shopping (Immediate Family)

Tracking Down Mom's NPR Band

Restocking Dad's Batteries

Picking the Wrong Assassin's Creed

Suspecting Your Sister's Webcam


Gift Shopping (Extended Family)

Scenting the Candle

Falling Back on Cat Themes

Seeking the Cheapest Photo Book

Riding the Amazon


Gadget Shopping

Upgrading the Display

Adding a 'G'

Requiring an Adapter

Lining Up for Robbery

Stabbing for a Console


Car Shopping

Letting Detroit Go Bankrupt

Justifying the Mustang

Financing the Image

Rapping About a 300


House Shopping

Foreclosing on Grandma

Vultching

Dumping the Nest Egg

Flipping the Cube

In addition to writing approximately 50,000 articles for Something Awful, Zack Parsons is the author of Liminal States, a sci-fi/horror/detective/western novel.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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