Some of the Freedomists might have skills other than commenting on Youtubes and leaving semi-automatic weapons in reach of children. They could burn confiscated American flags or smash grabbed guns with hammers. They could help print fiat currency, shred copies of the Constitution, or attend an acting class to appear as a victim in one of our upcoming false flag shootings.
Yeah, we're keeping those going. We've already grabbed all the guns and gun owners (using the national registry), but you know how congress likes to keep jobs in their district. We have to keep those fake school shootings going or the thousands of government and local police won't be paid off not to talk, causing another recession.
Just because half of them are on Rascal scooters and they haven't seen a doctor in twenty years (won't prescribe colloidal silver) doesn't mean the rest of us can't benefit. Let's get some college types in your camp to poke and prod the Freedomists.
The FDA can test aspartame on them while we force-feed them GMOs to determine the results that we don't even care about. Give all of them all of the vaccines to determine what levels cause autism and what levels cause retardation. We're not completely sure what a pelvic mesh is, but let's test that on them too.
As a shadowy government agency born of the sins of the National Weather Service and a fire prevention program, staffed by psychopaths without names or morals, we get off on humiliating these folks in our camps. Put their bibles in toilets. Make them watch as we drone strike all of the AM radio stations in North America. Devalue their marriages with footage of gay weddings. Force them to trim the beards they wear as part of their religion of burying shotguns and buckets of oats in underground vaults.
After all, we work for the government, which is of, by, and for heartless monsters that were once people. Have you ever been in a post office? The Freedomists in our camps should consider themselves lucky!
Good luck as you endeavor to advance the cause of world peace and harmony by enslaving gun owners to mint Americoins for illegals.
|Zack is the author of the new short story collection Wages: Future Tales of a Hired Gun, a blood-soaked satire of private military contracting. He is also the author of the genre-hopping novel Liminal States, soon to be available as an audiobook. You can find out more about Zack's latest projects and special offers on his Facebook page.|
It is 2016. I think it is high time that Captain America have a dog man as a boyfriend.
A brave pop culture addict puts his foot down once and for all.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.