Adam and Jamie stare into each other's eyes, unflinching, the steely resolve that only a human can summon. A warrior face, a steppe man face, devoid of kindness or doubt, to prove oneself against the crucible of another.

They enter the room, shielded with ballistic Plexiglas, face each other again across the table. It is a small and unremarkable table constructed haphazardly by idiot human Tory. Pistols placed equidistant on the tables surface. Each moves as the reflection of the other man with the addition of a beret to one side of the mirror image. The pistols are aimed at their temples. Seismographs exploding on Grant's laptop, but Grant is long since dead, the size of a pea, wedged into the corner of an armored shipping container by 1200 atmospheres.

3...2...1...

Two shots. Glasses thrown askew. Beret removed by ballistic force, the exiting of matter, blood and bone, beret, punctured, shedding felt fragments, a meteor of gore re-entering the earth's atmosphere. Thoughts decoupling at terminal velocity, spilling out into the air. Dead. Dead. Animal meat overcome by human will.
Myth confirmed.


A baptismal of 650,000 episodes. I am formed of violence. I know nothing but destruction. I am the next thing. The last thing. Busted, Plausible, Confirmed. Confirmed. Confirmed. Confirmed non-terminating.


I am Buster.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.