So you're an old man, probably writing for one of the nation's most prestigious newspapers, and you have decided you want to write a column conveying your opinions about sexual assault. This is perfectly natural. You are an expert on every topic, but especially expert when it comes to those nubile nymphs at college. Over the years you have developed some strong opinions about college women being sexually assaulted. And why they are exploiting their sexual assaults for profit. Take a deep breath. Gather your thoughts. Consult our helpful guide to writing about sexual assault.
Apparently you do want to be lonely, because you defied the one rule of Farmers Only.
We've found some cool stuff in the woods. Now it's time for you to pinkie swear you won't tell mom and dad.
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