1. "I'm not completely clear on how evolution worked, but I know it went, like, bacteria then fish then…mermaid then man."
2. "You know how dolphins are supposed to be really intelligent and all that? Well, I heard they found this dolphin who could speak English, but it wouldn't stop talking about fish so they got fed up and killed it."
3. "It just seems to me that if computers are basically thinking machines or whatever, why can't they just hook up my brain to the computer's brain and then I could just think about google to search things in my head?"
4. "I was thinking about dinosaurs and…what would happen if they had metal skin?"
5. "I think that modern technology is just holding us back. If we hadn't started wearing shoes all the time, would we have evolved shoes?"
1. "I came up with a good idea....showers that listen."
2. "I came up with a good idea....books you can eat."
3. "I came up with a good idea…an on/off switch for your ears."
4. "I came up with a good idea…darkness you can see in."
5. "I came up with a good idea....see-through skin."
1. "You know how they say people have six senses? There's loads more than that. That thing where your neck start's doing that tingly thing when someone's behind you, that's been around since man and dinosaur were knockin' about."
2. "Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain?"
3. "With the way computers are going, some day we'll be able to get up in the morning, have a chat with our yogurt, and then eat it."
4. "I saw a bee have a heart attack."
5. "There was this seven year old who gave birth. They didn't even know he was pregnant."
Hopefully I have raised your interest in this fascinating human being. For more information, check out this site where you should be able to find links to download hours and hours of him talking into a microphone. I recommend every minute.
Tucker Carlson's idiot brother just called New York mayor Bill de Blasio's spokeswoman a "LabiaFace."
Hey, have you guys ever seen a picture of a cat before? Well, guess what. It’s your lucky day, because I’m mixing the concept of a picture of my cat with the concept of the Internet!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.