Parents! Afraid to turn your back on your son or daughter? Do the stare, unblinking, at a bare wall? Do they obsessively draw eyeless figures or scribble strange symbols? Have your pets disappeared mysteriously? If you answered yes to any of these questions then we want to introduce you to the opportunity of a lifetime.
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Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Youtube user HolkHogan420 has been systematically exposing all of the Illuminati's plans.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.