Short answer: yep.
Longer answer: hell yep.
What is Low T?
Low T happens when you're losing it, bro. You are losing it. Can't keep up, can't get it up, you're just about down for the count. Can't please a woman. Can't lift a bag of sacrete. Had to use two hands to pick up that case of beer? Yikes. Not long now. Better ask doc about Low T. He'll fix you up.
Can I be helped?
Yes, you can. You can get your T levels back. Gonna need some pills. Gonna need some shots. We got a patch. We got a jelly you smear all over your joint. We'll hook you up.
Signs of Low T
There are hundreds of symptoms that can be related to Low T. A diminished, baby-like, or womanly punch strength is common. Mullets and mustaches may fail to manifest. You may feel less gutsy or lack your usual gumption. You may experience phantom frog feet on your neck and face. You may develop a taint divot or vestigial woman spot.
You may lose the ability to urinate standing up and only become sexually aroused at fabric and bead stores. This is some serious stuff. If your manhood was an energy bar it would be down to a sliver of its energy and might even be flashing. If you wait too long you may become too weak to press the keys on your keyboard. This is like your last chance, no dick. Strong dudes are already buffing up and your woman is looking them over.
What can happen if left untreated?
You will die as a woman with breasts and a full vagina. Everyone you love will turn on you because you're pathetic. Little weak baby. Low T baby.
This couldn't happen to me!
That's exactly what the last guy thought...and all that's left of him is a skeleton. Wearing a dress.
Wait, Low T can kill me?
Low T IS killing you. This is your last chance, buddy. Low T is taking you down like cancer. Your muscles and little dingus are shriveling up inside your body. It's only a matter of time.
Is it too late?
Ask your doctor about Low T. Your doctor may suggest a diet or exercise. That's fine, but you're gonna need some T-Blast (testostophil manacidine) in Pro Strength Gain Manly Original, Crocodile Fighter Chocolate, and Berry Toughdude Blizzard. The number one, two, and three most popular T-boosting prescription shakes.
Alright, I'm sold. But how do these shakes work?
That's proprietary, but it's something like this:
It sounds like it really works!
You bet, but you don't have to take our word for it. Take the word of these people you've never met and will never meet who may actually be dead from side effects:
"I was actually a dead skeleton in a grave and someone just sprinkled some T-Blast on these ol' bones and organs and muscles started forming and I rose up from my grave and twisted off the head of the guy doing my wife who left me because I skeletonized. Thanks, T-Blast!"- AJ, Calabasas, CA
"My T was dangerously low when I asked my doctor about Low T. Now my T is really high and I can do anything I put my mind to."- TJ, Calabasas, CA
"I thought Low T was just another made up thing to be paranoid about as I got older. Then I turned into an eight-year-old girl named Sally. I was literally a little girl and all I cared about were ponies and dancing. Luckily, my wife saw what was happening and told my doctor. These days I am giant and insufferable, just how women like me."- JJ, Calabasas, CA
Testostophil Manacidine may cause hoop knee, sensual bowel syndrome, mummy's loin, pop collar, male pattern menopause, earthworm genitalia, Mussolini by Proxy Syndrome, supernumerary phallus, and sideways sperm.
Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!
Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.