Sorry everybody, but I just wasn't able to write an article this week, because I was killed by wolves. Well, not "killed," exactly. That's taking it a little far. But definitely maimed. Maimed by wolves. Well, actually "maimed" might be a bit of a stretch. People usually take "maiming" to imply some sort of grotesquely disfiguring injury, and that's not really the case, here. But I was most definitely injured by wolves. Well, "wolves" might be something of an overstatement. There was actually only one wolf involved, but I guarantee you that I was most definitely injured by a wolf. Well, scientifically speaking, "wolf" isn't one hundred percent accurate. It was more of a dog. A Norwich Terrier, to be precise. They're great dogs, especially if you're looking for a companion. But they are low to the ground. So I guess it's not entirely fair to say that I was injured by a dog, but I did trip over a dog, and that's close enough. So no article today. Sorry. Blame the dog.
The Weekend What? The Weekend Who? The Weekend Web
Continuing today's theme of people not doing their jobs, Zachary "Spokker Jones" Something or Other is conspicuously absent this week, as he was recently blown up in his apartment complex. Luckily, the bossman, Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka was able to step up to the plate for this week's Weekend Web. The topic of choice this time around is music forums!
The Weekend Web! Live it! Love it! Read it!
Ferguson's long arm of the law laments the latest cutback.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.