Sorry everybody, but I just wasn't able to write an article this week, because I was killed by wolves. Well, not "killed," exactly. That's taking it a little far. But definitely maimed. Maimed by wolves. Well, actually "maimed" might be a bit of a stretch. People usually take "maiming" to imply some sort of grotesquely disfiguring injury, and that's not really the case, here. But I was most definitely injured by wolves. Well, "wolves" might be something of an overstatement. There was actually only one wolf involved, but I guarantee you that I was most definitely injured by a wolf. Well, scientifically speaking, "wolf" isn't one hundred percent accurate. It was more of a dog. A Norwich Terrier, to be precise. They're great dogs, especially if you're looking for a companion. But they are low to the ground. So I guess it's not entirely fair to say that I was injured by a dog, but I did trip over a dog, and that's close enough. So no article today. Sorry. Blame the dog.

The Weekend What? The Weekend Who? The Weekend Web

Continuing today's theme of people not doing their jobs, Zachary "Spokker Jones" Something or Other is conspicuously absent this week, as he was recently blown up in his apartment complex. Luckily, the bossman, Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka was able to step up to the plate for this week's Weekend Web. The topic of choice this time around is music forums!

The Weekend Web! Live it! Love it! Read it!

– Ben "Greasnin" Platt

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  • GLUT OF DOGS

    GLUT OF DOGS

    TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851

  • THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.

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