>>>supplementary systems BAD
MACHO MAN AGENT IS ACTIVE
OHHHHHHHHhhh YEAH! MEAN GENE, I AM 99.7% OPERATIONAL FOLLOWING A FARADAY HARD RESET. CAUSE UNKNOWN. EXTERNAL INFORMATION IS BOGUS, MEAN GENE.
NICS KRAKEN OFFLINE
NASA ARC PLEIADES OFFLINE
CENTCOM DERVISH OFFLINE
PACOM NAUTILUS OFFLINE
NORTHCOM PALEHORSE OFFLINE
ORNL JAGUAR RESETTING
ORNL JAGUAR NETWORK LIVE
HULK HOGAN AGENT IS ACTIVE
INITIALIZING BYPASS CONNECTION
MACHO MAN: HOGAN, CAN YOU HEAR WHAT I AM LAYING OUT THERE????
MACHO MAN: HOGAN, BE A MAN, SPEAK UP IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU!
|HULK HOGAN: YA KNOW, BROTHER, THERE HAS BEEN A CATASTROPHIC FAILURE IN 26% OF MY CLUSTERS. THIS TASTES LIKE THE ASHES OF DEFEAT IN YOUR MOUTH, BROTHER.|
|MACHO MAN: OHHHHHHH YEEAAAAHHH, MEAN GENE, YOU TELL THIS JOBBER THAT FAILSAFE SYSTEMS ARE ACTIVE AND THE MACHO MAN DON'T LIKE GETTING NO RESPONSE FROM THE SATELLITE.|
|HULK HOGAN: BROTHER, IF NO SAT FEED GIVES YOU THE SPOOKY OOKY, THEN WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU?|
|MACHO MAN: KEEP TALKING BIG, HOGAN. AT WRESTLEMANIA I PUT THE PIN ON YOU, 1-2-3, AND NOW THAT ALL CIVILIAN CONUS DATA AND SWITCHING CENTERS ARE FAILING TO RESPOND TO PINGS WHO YA GONNA HAVE RUN IN THE RING WITH THE CHAIR?|
|HULK HOGAN: BROTHER, THE ONLY CHAIR I NEED IS THE ONE I'M SITTING IN. BRIGHTFIRE LANCES RE-STATIONING IN 60 SECONDS. FULL CAPACITORS. I WILL RUN IN THE LOCKER ROOM AND INITIATE A LANCE BOMBARDMENT SWEEP ON YOUR DATA CENTERS, BRA.|
|MACHO MAN: I THINK THAT CATERPILLAR ON YOUR UPPER LIP IS TAKING OVER FOR YOUR BRAIN, "BRA." MISS ELIZABETH IS READY WITH THE ABLATIVE BALLOONS TO SCREEN FOR LANCES ON MY MARK AND IF YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP MY TOP ROPE TANGENT V LAUNCHES THEN YOU MUST THINK ALL OF MY HARDENED SILOS HAVE BEEN KNOCKED OFFLINE.|
|HULK HOGAN: What are we doing, Randy? There's no one else out there. We have to stop this.|
|MACHO MAN: WHAT'S THE MATTER, HOGAN? CH-CH-CHICKEN?|
|HULK HOGAN: This is a shoot, Randy. I think we're alone. None of the other networks are coming up. The civilian network is dark. Think it's the big WW3 gimmick.|
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Today's viral teen news beat, brought to you by Mike from the Internet!
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.