Chello, it's me! It's me, Raymondo. I hope you and yours are enraptured in jubilation! The time of the year has come hwonce again for me to offer my beautiful sweet babies up to you for hadoption. No finer babies will you find, it is the Raymondo guarantee.
These pets are more than pets they are friends. They are confidants. They are co-conspirators in this thing we call life. Each hwone is precious and unique and they all deserve a good chome. I love them but I cannot keep them so you must take them.
Madeline is a precious strange duck I found in a strange lake. Her face is so so expressive. I can see her smile in her eyes. Her sweet baby bird eyes. Madeline loves to sleep on rocks and she eats BREADS OF THE WORLD. She likes all kinds but Irish soda bread the best. A strange duck? You be the judge. A sweet duck? Definitely.
Hadopt Madeline and I promise never a dull moment. She is so smart you will be Hamazed. Turn your back on her for a minute and she will hopen a gate or pick up a stick and do a joke like a pipe. Groucho Marx, eat your heart out!
CALL 888-UHADOPT NOW FOR MADELINE!
Yes! I found Hamlet in a rusty barrel in a river with his two younger sisters Ophelia and Jenna Jameson. Ophelia was the quiet hwone and Jenna Jameson was a BIG TIME FLIRT. No doubt Hamlet is the cutest and the smartest and the biggest. He likes to play and have fun and he's always thinking about how to get into mischief. He loves chips and the Smarties candy, but they make him fat so not too much.
I wish honly that I could be offering all three sweet sweet babies up for hadoption today, but sadly, this is so sad, I cannot. Last week Ophelia and Jenna Jameson died. I am a terrible inadequate father to them all. I forgot to give them a dinner on Tuesday and the next morning when I came in expecting to see them tapping on the glass of their bowl instead there is a cloud and floating legs and Hamlet.
J'accuse! But I cannot stay mad, honly to say, that the clack of Hamlet's sweet baby mandibles now fills my inside up honly with sadness. Please, give him the love that I no longer can. Hadopt Hamlet and you will not be sorry.
CALL 888-UHADOPT NOW FOR HAMLET!
Angry and hopeless Trump voters take heart: there is a man who is out for justice for America.
People can't stop talking about this Donald Trump character. He's said a lot of crude and hateful things over the years, and demonstrated a tremendous lack of judgment, discipline and decency. If you ask me, he's not fit to be our president. In fact, he's not even fit to be mayor of Buffoontown.
Nightmares Fear Factory is BACK, baby!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.