What would you do if you were in charge of salvaging the economy?
Dawn Catwand
Prayer Bus Volunteer
"Oh, jeez, well...hmmmm...think, Dawn. I would send people a card, and on that card it would say cats and then have a box and then it would say dogs and it would have a box. And nobody would know what it was, but if they put a check mark in a box and sent it back to me I would send them a 365 day cat- or dog-a-day calendar. Which would help that industry and just generally, you know, lift people up to a higher level."
Sgt. J.J. Pillock
U.S. Army
"More tax breaks for the wealthy! I am apoplectic that Puff Daddy had to downscale from a 190 foot to a 167 foot yacht for this year's White Party. The economy's yacht rental sector is on the brink of collapse."
Rhett Racecar
MILF Hunter
"Hire like the best skywriter ever to fly around the country and write CHODES in the sky above every big city and then draw an arrow pointing down at the city. Haha, owned, poor people."
Brian Multitoast
Unemployed Hemp Advocate
"Do I have the power in this job to get to the bottom of what happened to Tower 7? If so I would do that. No? Then I'd just do pretty much the same thing. Get high, fight the good fight."
Jeineane Fizz
Unemployed
"De-regulate mortgages? I think the mortgages are over-regulated. Is that right? I'll have to check with my friend Tricia. She has a blog. She knows that stuff."
Rudy Giuliani
Immigrant
"I would have the government build a bridge right next to every existing bridge so you have double bridges in case one bridge needs to be repaired."


What do you think could be done to lower the price of oil or what do you think could supplant oil as an energy source?
Dawn Catwand
Prayer Bus Volunteer
"Can't they just change the price with one of those poles with the suction cup thingies on the end?"
Sgt. J.J. Pillock
U.S. Army
"I am an outspoken advocate of nuclear energy being used to glass the entire frigging Middle East. It's the only way to be sure."
Rhett Racecar
MILF Hunter
"I'll tell you the same thing I told this total Meg Ryan I ran into last week: I am all about mass transit, because this train is stoppin' in dat ass."
Brian Multitoast
Unemployed Hemp Advocate
"Must we continue this charade where you pretend not to know my answer before you ask the question?"
Jeineane Fizz
Unemployed
"There was something I saw on The USA Today graph thing. Something about peak oil. I guess it's like a better oil. Like high-octave gas. So, figure out where that is and then we can get peak oil."
Rudy Giuliani
Immigrant
"I thought the Segway was supposed to fix all this bullshit. As far as I can tell it just made everything worse, because gas costs two dollars more and now meter maids look like even bigger assholes."

As our economic woes continue only time will tell whether or not this recession deepens into a depression, but one thing is certain: a certain sextet of voters will always be there to offer their opinions.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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