"A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man."

- Joseph Campbell, "The Hero with a Thousand Faces"

"I'm Hell's messenger. Name's Riddick."

- Riddick, "The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Dark Athena"

[Searching space ships sweep lights over steam-venting fissures in the industrial wasteland. A shadowy figure parkours from one junk pile to the next. He stops in darkness. Waits a beat. His eyes gleam silver.]

RIDDICK: Mutilus IV. Seen some ugly rocks in this sector, but none as ugly as Mutilus. Fourteen billion sump mutants and scum bag bounty hunters and every one of them wants a piece of me. They say that it's the most dangerous planet in the whole 'verse.

[Riddick leaps down silently behind a bounty hunter.]

RIDDICK: Maybe they're right. I'm here.

[Riddick snaps the bounty hunter's neck and drags his body.]

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.