This article is part of the SkyMall Product Reviews series.

Even if he wasn't 5-feet tall and coined by a name that means speedy thief, we're guessing this muscular menace on two legs would still be hard to catch! Our Design Toscano exclusive Jurassic-sized, meat-eating prehistoric replica dinosaur statue is realistically sculpted with terrifying teeth, retracted foot claws and an S-shaped neck, then cast in quality designer resin and hand-painted with powerfully convincing color and texture as faithful to the ancient species as possible.

Customer Review:
By Crawford from Battle Mountain, NV

I purchased this beauty to prove a point to my idiot lawyer brother-in-law. I won, so it was worth every penny.

Me: 1

Idiot: 0

Age: 41-45

----------

Customer Review:
By RaptorsFan from Grants Pass, OR

YEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Been saving up for something like this ever since I was 9 and now I own it. IT'S MINE. I OWN IT.

Pros: as good as the real thing

Cons: even though this was the goal I set for myself that has kept me going all these years in spite of crippling depression brought on by my absent parents and horrible acne and lack of friends and inability to cope with anything without breaking down in tears or having panic attacks, it hasn't really fixed anything. Still pretty cool.

Age: 21-25

----------

Customer Review:
By SandySteve from Prescott, AZ

Been eying it for the better part of six years now. With my kids finally out of the picture, I actually had the chance to do something nice for myself.

Pros: Makes my yard really stand out having a raptorsaurus out there.

Cons: My moron neighbor Johnny can't keep his eyes off my lawn.

Age: 41-45

----------

Customer Review:
By Sawbucks from Prescott, AZ

I don't care for dinosaurs. Frankly, I'm not convinced they're real. For one thing, we never heard word one about them until Jurassic Park came out, and even then, the ones in that movie were computer dinosaurs. Buying it because my neighbor Steve has one, and I'll be damned to hell and have my genitals electrocuted by the devil if I let him get one up on me.

Age: 36-40

----------

Customer Review:
By DesertDad from Prescott, AZ

Saw Steve and Johnny have raptors in their yards now, so figured I better get in on the action. Not sure what all the fuss is about. The kids love it at least. Think it was the final straw for my wife, though. I know I shouldn't punish the dinosaur for our divorce, but I can't help it...

Age: 36-40

----------

Customer Review:
By Leafblower from Prescott, AZ

Donald down the street got one, so I got one. It's the stupidest thing I've ever seen, and not worth the money. I also bought a Contemporary Venus Sculpture, which is MUCH SUPERIOR. Those are my hands now... those are daddy's hands...

Age: 36-40

----------

Customer Review:
By OneTrueTexan from San Rafael, CA

Well...

Here's how it went down: bought a dinosaur to bury and surprise my kids by digging it up with them. I don't remember where I buried it, so, basically this thing is a huge waste of money and a total rip off. It's not even real anyway. Give me a damn refund.

Age: 36-40


----------

Customer Review:
By The Yardsman from Evansville, IN

Good, but wish it had a saddle. That's all I'll say on the subject.

Age: 41-45

----------

Customer Review:
By The Yardsman from Evansville, IN

I thought about it some more and let me tell you: the fact it doesn't have a saddle is a g-ddamn travesty. Disregard my earlier glowing review. I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you or anyone else.

Age: 41-45

----------

Customer Review:
By smartshopper from Malvern, AR

Buying stuff like this makes me feel like a reckless cocaine addict. Love it!

Age: 31-35

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

About this series

Check out these helpful product reviews from your fellow SkyMall shoppers before making your next high-altitude purchase.

Other articles in this series

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.