"How Superman Spends His Days Off"
Superman Vol. 1 #36
With all the problems going on across the globe you'd think that Superman never gets a rest, but this issue proves otherwise! See how the man of steel spends his free time!
Superman: Ooops. Looks like I dropped another jar, Lois. Heh. Heh.
Lois: Will you stop already? Please close that refrigerator door, you've been holding it open all morning!
Superman: Whatever. When you're done cleaning all this up, come to the bathroom. I'll be lounging against the sink and squeezing a tube of toothpaste onto the carpet.
"Superman's Power Of Flight Is Reversed In China"
Superman Vol. 1 #45
A trip to China has Superman down... literally! Will the inexplicable reversal of his flight power leave him six feet under?
Superman: So it's been opposite day all along, and this has nothing to do with China?
Cio-Cio San: No!
Superman: (spits out a mouth full of noodles) A-wha?
"The Corked Bat"
Superman Vol. 1 #66
When Superman's bat breaks during the World Series, his bid for a spot in the Baseball Hall Of Fame is thrown into jeopardy!
Umpire: This bat has been corked!
Superman: Is that not allowed?
Superman: Well then, it's not my cork. I mean, it is, but I was just keeping it in my bat because I was going to cork some wine bottles later and I don't have any pockets to hold the cork. I had no idea that putting cork in a bat makes the ball go further.
Umpire: There's cocaine in here too.
Superman: Is that not allowed?
"Superman Versus Perry Como"
Superman Vol. 1 #67
No lady can resist the romantic crooning of Perry Como, including Lois Lane! How can Superman possibly compete with this ladies' man?
Perry Como: (singing) Ooooh sweetheart, my ladybird, my hooooneypieeee....
Lois Lane: Oh, Perry! You're the dreamiest!
Superman: That Perry Como fella sure boils my blood, but I can't punch him in the schnoz for singing. I know how to handle him! Let's see that jerk try to romance Lois when her face is covered in bruises.
"Rendering Aquaman Completely Useless"
Superman Vol. 1 #139
Superman ditches Lois for a sizzling hot mermaid, using one of his little-known powers to transform his legs and reproductive organs into lumpy scales and a fish tail even though he could effortlessly propel himself through the water as he does through the air. Will his new life under the sea with a fishy vixen be everything he hoped for?
Fisherman: You won't believe the size of the bastard I reeled in the other day.
The human anatomy is home to more than three hundred organs. Doctors and chocolatiers agree that the vast majority of these revolting lumps of tissue serve little to no function. If you find yourself standing in a long line or stuck at the airport waiting for a delayed flight, consider taking a few minutes to remove the following from your person.
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Denzel is here to set the movie scales back to zero. That's what an equalizer does, right?
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