I'll Give You a Box of Chocolates If You Kill Me
I've spent the last seven hours watching, capturing, and reviewing the abomination "Troll 3" just for you, the readers. Please excuse me if today's news update isn't up to par. I'm going to throw myself in front of traffic and pray my brain is first to get crushed.
GREEN FOAM HATS!
You'll notice "trolls" are not mentioned anywhere in there. Yes, that's how good of a movie this is! READ THE "TROLL 3" REVIEW RIGHT NOW... or you might regret it for the rest of your terrible, terrible lives!
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.