I'll Give You a Box of Chocolates If You Kill Me

I've spent the last seven hours watching, capturing, and reviewing the abomination "Troll 3" just for you, the readers. Please excuse me if today's news update isn't up to par. I'm going to throw myself in front of traffic and pray my brain is first to get crushed.

THE INCREDIBLE "TROLL 3" REVIEW!!! INCLUDES ALL THESE FEATURES AND SO MUCH MORE!

DRINKING!
DEATH!
FAT COPS!
GREEN FOAM HATS!
ARMED REDNECKS!
PSYCHOTIC BUSINESSMEN!

You'll notice "trolls" are not mentioned anywhere in there. Yes, that's how good of a movie this is! READ THE "TROLL 3" REVIEW RIGHT NOW... or you might regret it for the rest of your terrible, terrible lives!

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

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