1960 - An eight year old Shigeru Miyamoto, while exploring the vast network of caves behind his house, happens upon a friendly pig spirit that he murders with a sword before stealing its triangles. Later in life, Miyamoto would reflect on this incident fondly, and name it as one of the precious moments of childlike wonder and discovery he strove to recreate in his games.
1962 - A ten year old Shigeru Miyamoto sees a man accidentally hitting another man in the face with a tennis ball during a game of tennis. He thinks "Nice... I wish that had taken longer though. That could've taken at least five times as long. And he should have to do it another two times"
1986 - The initial version of The Legend of Zelda is released for the Famicom Disk System, widely recognized as being the first games console to use UMDs instead of cartridges.
1987 - The Legend of Zelda is released worldwide on cartridges. Reviewers of the time praised its exploration, combat, and music, but criticized the developers' choice to release it for a cartridge platform instead of on a more traditional UMD system.
1987 - Due to some minor temporal displacement at Nintendo of Japan, Zelda II: The Adventure of Link is accidentally released several months before The Legend of Zelda finishes development. While the game develops a cult following, reviewers of the time are harsher, citing the increased difficulty, grindy levelling system, and the "grave seriousness [...] of time paradoxes".
1987 - 2017 - People praise the creative dungeons and criticize the overall formulaic nature.
1998 - Metal Gear Solid is released. Hope all you Nintendo owning babies are having fun with your green pyjamas man... I'll be over here playing a game for grown ups...
2000 - The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask is released to the acclaim of people who will be really annoying to talk to in approx. 15 years.
2001 - Series director Eiji Aonuma, while walking to a convenience store, is splashed by a passing car driving through a small puddle. The soaked Aonuma turned to scream obscenities at the driver, but stopped - what if instead of a small puddle, it was a gigantic puddle, that stretched over the horizon? The car wouldn't be able to splash through it, that's for sure. It would sink into its depths and the driver would probably drown. They'd try to get out, but the water pressure would stop them from opening the doors. This idea later became the basis for The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker.
2001 - Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty is released. And yeah, it's incredible... Nintendo are you even trying?
2004 - An elderly, addled Shigeru Miyamoto is accidentally allowed to wander inside the R&D dept. of Nintendo of Japan. Seeing a prototype of what would later be called the Wii remote, Miyamoto becomes very angry, and begins swinging it around his head and screaming. A port of The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is hurriedly developed for Wii in a vain effort to placate him.
2011 - Ha ha, Skyward Sword. Guys, this is when Skyward Sword came out. Remember Skyward Sword. Ha ha ha.
2017 - I still haven't played Breath of the Wild. I don't know how much you think these articles pay, but it ain't launch day Switch money
I had to register my complaints while they were still fresh. And while the bark was still fresh and pliable.
Hey Asshole! Yeah, You, Jackass! Want To Know Which Disney Princess You Are, You Piece Of Shit?
For every two dollars spent, you get just under one skeleton. A troubling proposition.
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