Not long ago, I encountered an elderly dog-walker at the park. While our pets sniffed each other's asses, she explained that the mutt's name was Matches, because she wanted to be able to tell her grandson "go play with Matches!" Ha ha ha! Anyway, last night I was watching the local news and saw a familiar face; apparently, her house burned down. She was just standing there with Matches, surveying the ashes. Lady, this theme's for you!
Myron (Hillary Clinton + Brooklyn Decker)
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? You may have heard that before. But what if you could use 100%? YOU CAN!
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
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