During his lengthy sabbatical from his Your Band Sucks column, SA's legendary music critic Dr. David Thorpe has been conducting field research. Recently, he petitioned for a grant to board the Boyz II Men cruise, so that he might experience the ultimate culmination of the Yuppieyupalexvanderpoolera, and maybe rub elbows with Sudden Impact. While researching his proposal, though, he uncovered a gallery of photo meet-and-greets from Rick Springfield's 2009 celebrity cruise. "I stumbled on something so goddamned amazing that I felt like it was dangerous for me to have it," he writes. "Like finding a suitcase full of money or something: This shit is so valuable that somebody is probably looking for it, and they're going to rough me up if I hold onto it too long, like in Shallow Grave." Inspired, the Something Awful Forum Goons matched his Springfield starters with their own celebrity-plus-mutant pics from comic-cons that might or might not have taken place on sea vessels. Bon voyage!
NOTE: Some of our younger readers might not know who Rick Springfield is. He's best known for the single "Jessie's Girl," and for at one point being so commonly mistaken for Bruce Springsteen that he released a goofy song about it.
Rainbow Pony Deluxe: Is the chick on the right Jim Carrey?
Pollyanna: Like a confused, bearded Jerry Seinfeld.
hoodrow trillson: What's the DEAL with tying my shoelaces? Why do I ALWAYS fall down?
toby: I love this dude. I want this to be reversed: a whole bunch of shots of celebrities taking pictures with this guy.
If that boy isn't willing to shoot his laser and get you that carbon, he's not worth your time.
REFORMED HOG - Former member of the swine family, has now agreed to behave like a proper dog. Free to patient home willing to overlook physical defects. 555-2519
Available in Large, which is actually a Medium stretched out to appear bigger.
If you're in a tight spot, this is going to be really helpful (I'M JOKING. I'M KIDDING AROUND)
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.