As anyone who has ever read Something Awful's music coverage knows, bands these days aren't worth a damn. But perhaps if these no-talents traveled to the black-and-white days, when untapped melodies were as common as unclaimed territory, they'd be inspired to produce compositions of value. The Something Awful Forum Goons made the transportation arrangements for these modern-day noise-makers, depositing them in the days of yore.

asteroceras is the themestarter, twisted themestarter.

EoinCannon hearkens back to dark medieval times.

TobiasRieper gives Dr. Phineas Waldolf Steel, famed leader of toy soldiers, some real troops to command.

Mindbleach knows the Residents are ageless, like Dick Clark (in a Nazi uniform, holding a carrot).

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  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

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