THE PAGE OF SHAME

Name: Terensque

Chili.gif says:"If I had a phone like this, I'd make a collect call to your throat!"

Reason for being a colossal failure: Phriday's Villain of the Week is Terensque, who graces the Page of Shame twice. This, the stronger of his two efforts to sodomize my eyes, still goes a long way from being anything even remotely resembling the concept of good. He might have had something if he actually knew how to properly use Photoshop. Ironically, Photoshop is the program that this feature is named after. Go figure. Instead of proper cutting and pasting or anything like that, he just threw some rough ideas together and then added some blurry red text that almost cries out "I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!" I might have read between the lines there, but I'm allowed to do that.

Name: TheKins

Chili.gif says:"i AY MEIN LABEN !"

Reason for being a colossal failure: it seems like every week some hilarious comedian goes the hyper-minimalist route and expects a free ride. Now I won't deny that I've given a lot of these people breaks, but sometimes it just bothers me. This is one of those times. Showing zero effort on a zero effort joke, TheKins contributes the sum total of zero. Thanks for nothing. We need you like we need a box of assorted midget limbs inherited from an eccentric uncle.

Name: Zarikov

Chili.gif says:"I know a lot of fruits, but none as big as you!"

Reason for being a colossal failure: I'm going to be honest and say that I put a lot of thought into this image, probably more than Zarikov did. I wondered if maybe I was missing some ingenious joke of epic proportions, or that this image was true art beyond my plebeian tastes. I don't know. What can I say about this? What is this? What the hell is going on here? This image is the onramp to an existential highway of thought; only passage is blocked by a horrific thought car accident. I think that sentence is probably as equally confusing to you as this image is to me.

Name: Terensque

Chili.gif says:"Even my fiery Latin blood runs cold near you, you vile mound of human excrement!"

Reason for being a colossal failure: this shithole of a Photoshop, inspired obviously by the product of a crackwhore mother and a fleshlight, was created by Terensque, a victim of SIDS. This is easily the worst image of the week, if not year, which is a pretty big accomplishment. How the hell could anyone make this and not feel ashamed, let alone like the most abject human being ever born? I don't know what kind of wretched vaginal portal vomited Terensque into poor world, but I hope to God that it has since been sealed by a brave band of knights and wizards. The last thing we need is more people like this creating images this foul. For the love of all that which is even remotely holy, Terensque, please never submit another picture for as long as you plague the earth. Either that, or practice for a year before trying again in public.

That concludes this wonderful adventure. Thanks as always to the Something Awful Forum Goons for their excellent contributions. No thanks to the people featured on the page of shame! Thanks to sighrax for ghostwriting a handful of fine comments, and to Gwen Ifill for moderating. Please join us next week when we Photoshop hams and crabs. For more Photoshop action, stop on by the Something Awful Forums!

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

More Photoshop Phriday

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.