1. Gifts of the Damned and Stupid

    Gifts of the Damned and Stupid

    A journey into AS SEEN ON TV catalog Hell and a review of the horrors found therein! Behold bathroom novelty gags, farting inanimate objects, and the decline of America.

  2. MIGHTY EAGLE SOARING GOD BLESS AMERICA

    MIGHTY EAGLE SOARING GOD BLESS AMERICA

    A look at some of the finest quality eagle merchandise available for sale to discriminating consumers such as yourself. If you want to increase your patriotism, this update may well prove invaluable!

  3. What's New In Hell

    What's New In Hell

    Another exciting look into the world of terrible modern Americana as envisioned by deranged mutants and sold through lousy catalogs.

  4. Oh Baby!

    Oh Baby!

    Babies are Precious Miracles from God. But, if you're like me, you're a menopausal woman with no romantic prospects. Thankfully, collecting realistic collectible dolls is a wholly healthy and fulfilling substitute for the real thing.

  5. Decorating Hell

    Decorating Hell

    Having just moved, my grand plan is to fill my swingin' bachelor pad with merchandise from the Bradford Exchange, the premier source of things with eagles, wolves, Jesus, and dragons emblazoned on them. What better way to live than to be surrounded by the soaring symbols of America's pride, history, and ingenuity?

  6. God Bless My Pets

    God Bless My Pets

    I certainly don't need the busy hubbub of the modern world. No, sir, I don't need it at all. All I need are my pet themed collectibles. They remind me of all the good times I've had with my precious friends over these long, long years.

  7. Last Minute Holiday Gifts from the Bradford Exchange

    Last Minute Holiday Gifts from the Bradford Exchange

    It's time for another exciting voyage into the Bradford Exchange's catalog of horrible merchandise. This adventure features lamps, clocks, General Lee's inspiring leadership, Thomas Kinkade's House of Horrors, and the audacity of hope.

  8. A Horrid Collection

    A Horrid Collection

    Some three decades ago, a man named Rod MacArthur changed the course of human history. Rod, a relic hunter and skilled forger of false idols, decided to start a company. Soon his enterprise grew into an empire, churning out graven images and demonic artifacts day and night.

  9. Hell In a Decorative Handbasket

    Hell In a Decorative Handbasket

    With the economy in the hands of Mos Eisley bandits and your personal finances in ruins, this is going to be a difficult holiday shopping season. Thankfully there is a retailer that not only understands your budgetary restraints, but also respects your delicate and uncompromising sensibilities.

  10. Bradford Exchange Commits Animal Abuse

    Bradford Exchange Commits Animal Abuse

    In general, we tend to treat animals with respect. They provide us with meat, synthesize milk for us, and even ferry us to and fro. Unfortunately, there are some corporations out there that love to exploit our animal friends. One of these corporations is the giant, life-devouring entity known as the Bradford Exchange.

  11. Bradford Exchange: Of Patriots and Crazy Ladies

    Bradford Exchange: Of Patriots and Crazy Ladies

    Another fantastical foray into the Bradford Exchange's dark dungeon of unspeakable merchandise. Witness dazzling wolf shirts, road dragons, patriotic flags and the South rising from its grave like an ornery mummy!

  12. The Bradford Exchange's Commonplace Book

    The Bradford Exchange's Commonplace Book

    This humble collection of words serves to catalog ideas great & small, however simple & unrefined they may be. Though hastily scribed & scarcely organized, these ideas may one day form the basis for inspiring statues, figurines, light-up paintings, cuckoo clocks, lamps, clothing & decorative weapons available through the Bradford Exchange.

  13. Valentine's Day Gift Ideas from the Bradford Exchange

    Valentine's Day Gift Ideas from the Bradford Exchange

    Our friends at the Bradford Exchange, a sort of Caligulan celebration of humanity's thirst for garbage, have honed in on what it means to express love. Their scientists have concocted a terrific medley of gifts that say romantic things like "I love you" and "I know you still yearn to return to the Glory Days of the Confederacy."

  14. Sizzling Summer Goodies from the Bradford Exchange

    Sizzling Summer Goodies from the Bradford Exchange

    When it comes to blasting out soulless Americana, no entity on this earth has a bigger and more industrious butthole than the Bradford Exchange. They are on some maddening quest to create the perfect item that so remarkably encapsulates the essence of America's schizophrenic spirit that reality itself collapses in on itself.

  15. Remembering 9/11 with the Bradford Exchange

    Remembering 9/11 with the Bradford Exchange

    The date was September 11, 2001. Jennifer Lopez was heating up the music charts, The Musketeer was number one at the box office, and homicidal religious fanatics were flying planes into skyscrapers. Needless to say, things were crazy.

  16. Season's Greetings from the Bradford Exchange

    Season's Greetings from the Bradford Exchange

    Holiday shopping is getting bloodier every year. Old people get trampled, eyeballs get blasted with spicy pepper spray and humans descend to the level of savage beasts fighting for scraps of meat from a rotting corpse. It's a hunt as uncivilized as anything that happens in the wild. Thankfully, there's an easy way to avoid the holiday bloodshed.

  17. You Idiot! You Missed Valentine's Day!

    You Idiot! You Missed Valentine's Day!

    Oh! You idiot, you bumbling fool! You forgot to get a Valentine's Day gift. Don't worry -- all hope is not yet lost. The Bradford Exchange has a scintillating selection of thoughtful gifts certain to strengthen the bonds of your love and appease any hurt feelings.

  18. Mother, there is no other, so treat her right

    Mother, there is no other, so treat her right

    Mother's Day is just around the corner, and that means you're an awful child because you haven't purchased a gift yet. Don't despair! Bradford Exchange, the SkyMall of the trailer park set, has put together a large assortment of gifts that could, in theory, be presented to a lady who birthed you.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.