Aw, that one just barely ricocheted off the post. 7/10
Chopin up enemies while progressin a truly unique story and lookin great doing it. 8/10
Using your thumb to control tricks instead of pressing a button is fantastic, but they need to tweak the settings because I can't grind the expanse of the Golden Gate bridge indefinitely while chaining a thousand kickflips and watching a meaningless score fill up the entire screen. 8/10
Yeah, so when is the next Wipeout coming out? 5/10
The main character's Predator hair is longer than the game itself, which isn't half bad if you exclude the bits with the worst trend in video games: timed button-pressing sequences. 7/10
Sort of like Animal Crossing, only without anything that makes Animal Crossing fun. 5/10
Spending $50 at a real carnival to toss basketballs at bent hoops without winning anything will reproduce the exact same feeling that you get an hour after buying this game. 3/10
World In Conflict
I've been telling people for years that if World War III rolls around Alec Baldwin will be involved, and finally I have my vindication. 9/10
As exciting as grandma's photo album; in fact, I think it might be grandma's photo album. 1/10
Guild Wars: Eye Of The North
As a boy I spent much time in this snow fort. 8/10
Eight years after its completion, a programmer comes across the final code for Instinct while organizing a pile of unlabeled discs and realizes he forgot to send it to the publisher. 1/10
The Sims 2: Bon Voyage
Fly your sims to new and exciting places where they can take half hour pisses and eat for hours at a time. 7/10
Monster Hunter Freedom 2
Would be a great game if they could just get that "fun combat" thing down. 6/10
Playing real guitar gets you the ladies, but playing a fake guitar on the DS gets you a multi-million dollar record contract. 6/10
Here's a strategy for anyone making strategy games: research the Tester technology so you can produce units that make sure your shitty game doesn't crash. 2/10
Donkey Kong Jungle Climber
The dudes from Ice Climbers have been available for years, but Nintendo chose to further the insensitive and racist notion that all gorillas climb well. 8/10
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
He was ripped off for True Detective, now Thomas Ligotti is being asked to review Pizza Hut's new Hotdog Pizza Bites.
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