A few months ago, I promised to address the 11:11 Angels site on November 11. Unfortunately, I lost track of time and let that date go by unrecognized. If some miraculous event had occurred, and I'd passed up my opportunity to salute the 11:11 prophets in order to make fun of some guy making shitty balloon art in Boone, Iowa, boy, would my face have been red! As it happened, November 11 came and went without mystical fanfare. But, not only is today Friday the 13th, but also a movie about the world's end premieres in theaters. Coincidence... or deadly coincidence?!
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
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