Halfshell Heroes, submitted by hil. You would think a band with a reference to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles might be pretty good. Okay, who am I kidding, that's the last thing you would think. Halfshell Heroes is a teenage rock band with angsty, slightly pathetic lyrics that have little to do with Shredder and the Technodrome and a lot more to do with delayed puberty and finding out it feels good when they touch their own butthole.

Since then through emotion filled accomplishments and disappointments, and a modification of the name, HALFSHELL HEROES have played multiple basement shows, birthday/going away/cast party(s), Rochester Skating Center, Roeper High School, Clutch Cargos (we got third, even though we played like absolute poop), Birmingham Java Jam, Groves Coffee Jam/Talent Show, and various others. We hope to start actually being booked for more shows in the future as opposed to making our own shows to play for zero dollars, as we have become horribly accustomed to.

I can picture them now, C+ students by day, hardcore fag rock and rollers by night except on Tuesdays and Thursdays when they have Young Life meetings and of course the evening Sunday School. Their self-effacing references on their site do nothing to hide the fact that they suck horrible gigantic balls. Balls on some sort of cyclops that does graphic design for web pages and can only see in the colors "bright red" and "bright green". This cyclops whose balls they are so fond of nuzzling also apparently has no idea how to resize images, since all of their pictures are JPEGs in some horrid resolution like 1024x768 resized with HTML.

They site so ugly when it finish loading my IE cache be spittin out a Toronto area forecast from Weather.com.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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