Thomas Hood's Cool Hom, submitted by . Thomas is 16-years old and loves to role-play on IRC (Internet chat rooms, for all you unl33ts) as fantasy characters. Here's a description of one of his cool alter-egos!
Kjolborn is an elder druid of Gaea. He has recently been granted a new body, and has yet to become comfortable with it. As he has lived on his own in the wild for most of his 29000 years, he is not well trained in the ways of the new world. He enjoys playing pranks on all of his beloved "young'ins" and is greatly pleased with the love of Skyler and Nyghtwing. He holds much power over the animals, and they respect him and his love of nature. Able to shape change a small amount, he can also turn to stone. His staff can heal and destroy, but was cracked recently and seems to be malfunctioning. As well, he cannot seem to see into the future. But he is still getting used to his new body, his new way of life...
Kjolborn is a very special Druid. Gaea created him at the beginning of this world, hoping for him to spread her Word and Knowledge around the world. He has not failed. Many are the hearts he has touched, and many are the friends which he enjoys. His staff is magical, created from the one tree, Gaea's home. When used in justice, it is extremely destructive. When used to heal, it is extremely potent. It is linked to him in the way that if he dies, he must choose a successor, or the staff is destroyed. Also, while he is alive, the staff will not respond to anyone else. It can sense his death, and will scream. He enjoys helping and healing, but will not hesitate to fight to defend others. He is a nice man, but you don't want to be on his side.
What the?!? It seems to me that Kjolborn is an ill-tempered, loud, pedophile that ripped off his powers from Tanooki Mario in Super Mario Brothers 3. Whatever, I really don't understand the appeal of pretending to be a dwarf-lord with a secret loathing of dark elves and stage two diabetes.
Thomas also reminds visitors that "TechPlus in Neepawa… are really cool providers, and everybody should give them a big hand." Yeah, here's a rousing round of applause, TechPlus, thanks a lot for letting this loony Thor wannabe drive around wildly on the info superhigh. As if we don't have enough retards cruising around on it already. You bastards.
BLACK LIVES MATTER!!! NOOOOOOO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU HAVE CREATED A MONSTER, AN ABSOLUTE MONSTER!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Play your entire PS1 library from a single SD card. But not your Brady Strategy Guides.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.