Chad Akuji Komarr: Darklands

Chad Akuji Komarr: Darklands, submitted by Robin. We have covered a lot of insanity when reviewing awful links of the day, thankfully Lowtax much more so than me, but with all sincerity I would like to nominate today's ALoD for "The Craziest Web Site Ever" award. I am a character in an HP Lovecraft story. I am giving my final confession from a cell in an asylum, having experienced too much, having peered too deeply into the forbidden abyss.

Enough melodrama. When I first visited this site I thought "oh great, a Lion King web site"... then I looked a little more and saw a list of wav files of random dialog and sound effects from "Fist of the North Star". Further inspection revealed dozens of fan-fic vignettes with creepy sexual subtexts and completely incoherent plots. Then I looked at the gallery. It was at that point that I lost consciousness. I awoke days later, naked but for my socks and terrible burn marks on my chest and back. Wandering dazedly into a small-town café, I discovered that nearly a week had gone by and I had somehow traveled from Ohio to Innsmouth on the East Coast.

Here is Chad born from a outcast loner lioness...; Noyana. In his baby lion cub form (from being birthed) and Noyana`s motherly instincts take over and groom away his wetness. Then she gently nudges him up to suckle for her life giving milk. Then later after giving her son another refreshing bath...Noyana falls asleep at the effort it took for her to give birth to "Chad Akuji Komarr."...not knowing of his abilities. Just before Noyana had fallen fully into slumber, she thought she saw her baby lion cub Chad- change and morph into his human self...even though Noyana watched through hazy and blurred eyes from her mind telling her to sleep. With Noyana far into her deep sleep, Logan (Chad`s father & Noyana`s mate) comes in seeing two baby lion cubs. He silently, yet, quickly extracts baby Chad from Noyana`s forearms she had left him. Upon making a mistake of going out the cave entrance, Logan stepped on the special alarm he made out of bamboos and wind-whistles. Gasping awake, Noyana looked over beside her to see her first cub missing! She lowered her head down and smelt Logan`s scent there...also with the second baby lion cub in her first cub`s place. She ROARED and ran outside. Leaving behind a grumbling and distraught Sima. Soon finding Logan, with the smell that he been carrying something. Noyana scowled and growled angerily, as she then banished Logan out of her Darklands and Akuji Rock, shaking his head as he walked on towards the same man village Noyana had been in during her cub to adult years.

Get out now while you can, Carter! This thing, this unimaginable cyclopean evil, will destroy us all. Stay away from that basement. The secrets there should be left there, in the name of all that was lost and should have stayed lost! Carter, you damned fool, if you go down there I warn you, be prepared to hear really shitty background sounds, select a lot of text to make it readable and the pictures, oh they will drive you mad!

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)