"You don't have to be an Old Testament prophet to see what's going on all around us. A belligerent lower class demanding handouts. A rapidly diminishing middle class crippled by police state bureaucracy. An aloof, ruling elite that has introduced us to an emerging totalitarianism which seeks control over every aspect of our lives."
Survival Seed Bank warns that the kind of fat cats who purchase their food from "grocery stores" are in for a shock: "Expect soaring prices along with moderate to severe shortages by spring." Oh no, it's spring right now! How can I prepare for this impending catastrophic famine while also asserting my agricultural independence?
The solution: Seeds! By stockpiling "super seeds" (which produce apocalypse-appropriate produce such as "bloody butcher corn"), plan-ahead sorts can subside during the inevitable collapse of the commercial food industry. But how will they defend their lush acreage against starvation-ravaged marauders? Guns, lots of guns. (Sold separately.)
Unsurprisingly, Ron Paul supporters approve.
Children. Small children.
It needs to consume human tissue! It needs to speak to your manager!
Scourgelord Vilius Mandragore gave a speech from our shattered capital on Friday and we are here to fact check his claims about his million year empire.
Reason 9: Ongoing mechanical issues with the internal Superman 64 fog machine.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.