I work at a pizza place. Had a call one night, and went through their order and asked if they needed anything else. This is what I heard:

Woman: "Yeah, do you have cheesesticks?"
Me: Yes.
Woman: "Now, do those have cheese on them?"

I don't think I laughed on the phone, but then, I'm not too sure.

I work for a cab company, we deal with the stupidest of the stupid. One day I aswer the phone:

Me: "Hello,"
Woman: "I'd like a taxi"
Me: "Where do you need the cab?"
Woman "At my home."
Me: "Where is your home?"
Woman: "I don't give out my address."

Lady: Excuse me, but I have a problem.
Me: Whats up?
Lady: I think this sour cream is bad.
Me: How so?
Lady: It tastes really sour.
Me: Um... wait, uh.... *ahem* What, what just happened there?
Lady: Well I, um... oh.

God, I fucking hate people.

I remember my days as a pet shop worker a few years back. Everyday, you would run into one customer whose level of retardation was beyond comprehension. Like the time some woman called, and wanted to ask if we had a certain type of pet food:

Customer: Hi, I want to know what kind of hamster food you guys have. I'm looking for one type, but I don't know what it's called.
Me: (sums up what kind of hamster food we carry)
Customer: I'm still not sure.
Me: Okay, what does the food look like? What's in it?
Customer: I don't know. My daughter feeds the hamster, not me.
Me: What did the package look like?
Customer: Oh! It had a hamster on it.

That's going to do it for this week's Goldmine. Tune in next week, when I'll be posting a sound file of a veteran newsman performing gangster rap. You won't want to miss that!

– Nick "Mayor Wilkins" Dunn

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