Crazy trick! You'll never grow old again if you stop sleeping
It's true. I haven't aged a day and its because I havent slept in a day! At this rate - tomorrow I will be just as young as I am today! I wish I knew this in my 20s, but hey gotta start staying young sometime!
World's oldest man is also the sleepiest
am i tired? damn right I am. Tired of getting old.
i have never slept and i am still an infant, but i have developed long, bird-like forearms adapted for tool use. this truly is the way forward
people keep saying that i should follow my dreams, which is terrible advice. dreams are for sleepers, and sleepers have wrinkles and die.
my knowledge of the night has granted me spindle fingers which i can use to push pegs into holes or point out desirable objects. the word "sleep" is an abstract to me. i am what all our children could become if their love of the sun was rendered weaker than it is in the present day by Bad Sleep Loving Birth Owners
It took some doing but I just double mega slept until my age rolled over to -2,147,483,648 years old and now I don't have to worry about ageing for a while. I have to sneak into R-rated movies and can't get a credit card but otherwise life is pretty sweet.
have you ever heard the story of rip van winkle? guy goes to sleep and he wakes up a hundred F*cking years older? yeah that's right sleepheads, it could happen to you
q: what walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon and three legs in the evening?
a: me, just foolin' around with all my free non-sleeping time
tombstones say "rest in peace" on them as a reference to the fact that it's your own fault for resting this much that you got under a tombstone. like when you trip someone and say "smooth moves, butthead" as they fall over panting and stumbling
i flunked out
some people think that the fairy marryweather was just trying to help princess aurora by changing maleficent's curse from death to a deep sleep that could only be awoken from by true love's kiss, but to me, theyre pretty much the same thing
when people get total insomnia they die after about a year, conveniently before it would become obvious that they've stopped aging. coincidence?
the tombstone is the school bully of death fixtures. the casket/coffin itself is like an overbearing mother but no one in the arrangement is pleased with how you turned out
Rip Van Wrinkle - Look how long my beard is after sleeping 100 years!
Me [trying not to laugh] - Wow a long gray beard, thats pretty cool. I stayed up all those years and all I got were these. *points to 6 bulging abdominal muscles*
Welcome to the world of working endlessly to please an audience specifically downloading your show to find mistakes.
If you're feeling overwhelmed by dire climate change news, try taking action personally! You can make a difference in the world!
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.