BOO! Hello, boys and ghouls! Since it's Halloween today, I've prepared a spooktacular Comedy Goldmine for you all - a collection of one sentence horror stories from the fine people of the Something Awful Forums! [Note to self: Hey dipshit, make sure to double check it's actually Halloween before publishing. And definitely make sure you've spelled "spectacular" correctly before you embarrass yourself once again]


the man looked down in shock at the blood pouring from a nasty papercut

Piso Mojado

sadly, the ranch dressing the girl had put on her salad was actually Lite Ranch , and her life flashed before her eyes.


After swallowing that first bite of his sandwich he looked and saw a half-eaten foot sticking out of his 12 inch sub among the lettuce; he hadn't ordered lettuce.


50 minutes until her flight starts boarding... 20% battery... and $1.60 equivalent in the local currency.


For sale: baby shoes, partially eaten.

Android Blues

baby shoes: i bought these because i was trying to show off to my girlfriend how small my feet are and ive been consumed in my world-invalidating obsession to cram my feet into these tiny fucking baby shoes


with a slight motion of his hands, he appeared to remove and then reattach his thumb repeatedly


One firm tug brought a dozen wire hangers out of the bag, tangled together like a hateful cocoon.

Android Blues

baby shoes: there was a misunderstanding these are actually adult shoes and my baby wore them and he started tromping around and frying eggs on the stove and going to work


"its your turn" says your wife as you get up in the middle of the night to console the crying baby shoes

drilldo squirt

Willy Wonka just hired you to make his factory OSHA compliant.

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About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

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