what if you just dropped dead while brushing your teeth or while watching a terrible movie. what would people think when they find your body and the autopsy says "died at 4 pm while brushing teeth, cause unknown" that would be fucked UP
City of Glompton
Here lies City of Glompton
Died as she lived
Putting away laundry
I'm afraid of being sent to heaven like some square
I hate doing the dishes and knowing my luck I will probably die doing them and then I will haunt my kitchen and spookily tell my girlfriend "I toooooollldddd you it WOOOOOUUUULLLDDD kill me to the dishessssssssss"
if i die doing something mediocre i hope my family and friends will weekend at bernie's my corpse so that it appears i died doing something heroic
ive got a rope tied around my ankle while im in the house at all times connected to a winch which is connected to a heart rate monitor. if i die the winch will trigger and pull my body through the house away from whatever i was doing in death and leave it in a pile of vintage sunglasses, jackets and vinyl albums
I have had several sharkbite-shaped chunks perforated into my flesh in such a way that they'll fall off when I pass away so no matter how I die it will look like a shark attack
"It appears that this individual fell off the roof and broke his neck while installing Christmas lights..."
"Haha, what an idiot!"
"...after a great white took a massive chunk out of his calf."
"Whoa, that's badass! We don't get many roof sharks in Ohio!"
died while making a weird face because he was putting on some chapstick
while browsing the web, by body became wracked with pain. a cardiac arrest; i didn't have much time. i opened Steam, and launched Counter-Strike: Source. one last headshot
no they will not
Officer: We got a cause of death on the stiff?
Mortician: This is only a preliminary reading, but it looks like he tried to eat a single cornflake, and the sharp edges of the flake cut up the inside of his throat so he choked to death on his own blood, and with his last moment of consciousness he dragged himself towards his computer keyboard and pressed the scroll lock key aka the worst keyboard key
Well chief from what I can tell he appears to have suffered a stroke while straining to twist open a bottle of low-cal Caesar dressing. I'm not even sure why he was going to all the trouble, as the bottle was a plastic squeezer that flips open. Stranger still, there are no vegetables of any kind in this house, so we have no leads on what he was planning to use the dressing for.
no they will not
I thought an assassin was waving at me so I bit down on a cyanide pill but it turned out he was waving at the person behind me
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.