Lies

CDC PATHOLOGY REPORT

Neurological Subduction Syndrome (NSS)

Dr. Lyle D. Joffries, DNP

NSS is a multi-stage neurological syndrome caused by parasitic fungus (Cordyceps Wyndhamii) of unknown origin.

Vectors: Airborne spores are in evidence over most of the globe and even small concentrations can cause NSS when inhaled. In particularly high airborne concentrations NSS can also be contracted through open wounds and mucus membranes.

STAGE I (1 to 90 minutes)

The rapidity of onset is dependent on spore intake.

Symptoms include difficulty concentrating, muscle tremors, blurry vision, and slurred speech. Hosts may become distant or describe visual or auditory hallucinations. "Buzzing sounds" and "vivid colors" are the most common.

Finney Sera Spot Test can detect parasitic spore presence in blood as early as STAGE I.

STAGE II (90 minutes to 6 hours)

The onset of STAGE II is marked by the host lapsing into catatonia. As the infection progresses they will experience full-body muscle spasms and painful seizures and should be restrained.

Sporangium formation occurs in the respiratory epithelium. At this point the patient becomes fully infectious, exhaling large quantities of Cordyceps swarm spores.

NOTE: Approximately 19% of the human population exhibit genetic immunity to NSS. If this genetic marker is present the host will experience a complete shutdown of the autonomous nervous system during STAGE II. Brain death can occur at any point during STAGE II. If death occurs during progression the host may become a cystic breeder for spores. [SEE: L. Cohen; Eruptive Spore Cysts]

STAGE III (8+ hours)

End-stage NSS involves all tissue groups, the lymphatic system, and the brain, with concentrations of spores in the lungs and the basal ganglia. Lesion-like pseudostromata are evident in brain MRIs. These do not represent an infection vector, but rather a maintenance point for the high level of parasitic spores evident in the central nervous system.

Hosts suffering from STAGE III NSS are highly infectious and extremely dangerous. The onset of STAGE III is marked by the host becoming ambulatory. We believe STAGE III hosts are somehow in communication with the distributed intelligence discussed in Dr. Bjorn Org's work. In practical terms, STAGE III hosts are semi-autonomous, suggesting a limited bandwidth to communication between the host and the collective.

Observed from concealment, hosts are docile and slow-moving, with various motor disorders resulting from nerve damage during infection. Hosts retain knowledge and habits, but cognitive abilities are diminished substantially. Simple tasks and a limited range of more complex tasks are retained. These can range from limited reading and writing ability, to the ability to drive motor vehicles. Retention of information is related to repetition pre-infection [SEE: T. Romero, G. Savini; Psychology of the Living Subdued]

Treatment: Aerosol Hexazine Dioxopryl (AGENT RED) kills spores on contact. When inhaled the compound neutralizes the spores within the host. However, it may take minutes to hours of constant exposure to HD gas to eliminate all spore clusters. Intravenous Hexazine Dioxopryl (COUNTERACT) accelerates the process.

Prognosis: NSS cannot be combated by the immune system and few patients recover fully from HD gas exposure, the side-effects of which are painful at best and fatal in many cases. Cognitive ability is slow to return and months of physical and psychological therapy may be required to restore a former host to a semblance of normalcy.

Recommendation: My recommendation coincides with the vote I will cast at the steering committee. I am advocating for the mass dispersal of HD gas on the surface. Casualties will be substantial and the defoliation of nearly the entire planet may result, but we know this is better than the alternatives. The soil contamination will be short-lived and we can continue to survive on hydroponic stocks until we can replant the surface.


More Daily Dirt

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful