This article is part of the BarkWire.com series.
Breed: Labrador Retriever
Age: 7 (deceased)
Relationship Status: Single
Location: In and around Shaggy Butte
Rating: (3.5 out of 5 bones)
ePets: Clumpy has been ePetted 97 times.
EDITOR'S REVIEW: Clumpy made a name for himself as the definitive party animal, always willing to go further than anyone else. Sadly, Clumpy's enthusiasm and love of crowd pleasing ultimately led to his alcoholism and death. Regardless, Clumpy enjoys near legendary status with many college students, some even regarding him as a myth. He is far from fiction, though. I had the rare privilege of meeting Clumpy at a party in 2004, before his health started to decline. He was every bit the party animal the stories made him out to be, and even a little bit more.
--BarkWire Senior Editor Chris Bluefield
127 reviews for Clumpy - Displaying 120-123
Posted by boozehound [Read other reviews by boozehound]
Man, where to begin! Clumpy was one of the best dogs EVER. I don't know where this dog came from, but he was always hanging out around campus and seemed to show whenever there was a party. The dude was a total hit with everyone.
I remember this awesome Halloween bash where he showed up with a bag of weed around his neck, like those big dogs that wandered around mountains giving booze to people. Don't know where he got the weed, but it was seriously awesome.
One time at a party somebody gave Clumpy a whole hot pepper, and he woofed it down. Then he started running around yelping and acting all crazy. Finally he just ran outside and dived into the pool. It was awesome, because he totally splashed a bunch of hot girls when he did it.
OH! Almost forgot the time we got this one skank drunk and almost got her to make out with Clumpy. She eventually started crying and ran off, which I guess was all the same since Clumpy was probably too good for that ho.
He was a true blue bro, always having the best time and making everyone smile. Made college a ton of fun. Don't know what happened to him after I dropped out, but I like to think he kept partying until the end.
This dog liked to get SMASHED!
Posted by prohousedjs [Read other reviews by prohousedjs]
i've seen dogs roll over and play dead, but this dog had the best trick of all. clumpy did a 48 second kegstand once. wish i had a camera so I coulda stuck it on youtube. it was kind of hard for him to drink upside down but he did his best and licked up all the spilt beer anyway. THIS DOG LOVED GETTING DRUNK !!!
later after the party i saw him passed out in a pool of vomit and smiled cuz damn that dog was hardcore.
if there is a heaven i bet clumpy is it getting totally crunk and banging lassie every day. i know i would be.
A sad case of not knowing when to quit
Posted by Doctor Dog [Read other reviews by Doctor Dog]
Clumpy was a real tragedy of a dog. I think he would have made a fine pet, but he always seemed to wander from place to place around the campus, mostly living with people stupid enough to give him alcohol. The amount he drank basically destroyed his liver, and made his last years extremely unpleasant.
While he was a fairly high functioning alcoholic, it was clear he lived hard and died young. It's a shame he was not able to channel his enthusiasm and love of a good time into something more constructive. I would have liked to been able to give Clumpy some counseling, but I only learned of his situation when it was too late to do any good.
Never 4get u
Posted by jjjbones [Read other reviews by jjjbones]
c u @ the crossroads clumps
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
The seedy canine underworld of Shaggy Butte is explored in this hard-hitting series combining obsessive pet fanatics and crowd-sourced internet reviews.
Copyright ©2023 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful