flour fanart by supaflour pimp
lol. sorry about my last update, i was kinda freaked out. turns out there wasn't a octopus growing inside my testicles, it was just the heating pipes expanding. i told my mom to turn down the heat and she threw a cake at me. lol shes crazy ^_^;;; i think its the new script my doctor put me on, that wellbutrin and paxil combo in da morning makes me a bit twitchy........ at least until i take the lexapro and zoloft at noon. that holds me out long enuff to get to my celexa in da afternoon and wtf my hair is falling out in clumps
..:: /me playfully offers you a cup of flour and pulls it back at the last minute XD ::..
anyway today looks to be allot cooler. me and King-=FlOuR=- have been AIMing each other and were gonna go to the store later and camp out for the new King Arthur Flour being released tomorrow at Hy-Vee. like all you flourfriends out there kno, they break out the new flour on the third tuesday of everymonth. IM SO EXCITED!!!! ^_^ i heard this latest batch of KAF is gonna be one of the best yet, theres been a lot of newsgroup posts about it and let me tell you IRC cant stop talking about it!!!! check dis out:
flour fanart by towerflower tom
SUBJECT: !!!!! NEW KING AUTHOR FLOUR RELEASE 1/16/07 !!!!!
HEY DUDEZ WHADDUP ITS FLOURPOWER1113 HOLLA'N ATCHA!!! AS U NO, MAH DAD WORKS AT GENERAL MILLS (BIG GM MAD PROPZ) AS THE CEO PRESIDENT OF FLOUR REFINING AND HE GOT DA SKOOP ON DA LATEST FLOUR RELATED NEWS!!!!
CHECK OUT MAH MYSPACE FOR MORE DETAILS MAYBE WE CAN HOOK UP AND TALK FLOUR WITH EACH OTHER BUT NOT ON TUESDAYS THATS WHEN AH GOT MY FLUTE LESSONS!!!! I'M WHITE, 235 POUNDS (215 O DAT IS FLOUR LOL!!!!!) AND GOT BROWN HAIR N BROWN EYEZ, I'M 24 BUT MAH FLOUR-SOUL IS 174, IN MAH PREVIOUS LIFE I WAS SOME MASA HARINA OWNED BY PAUL MANGELSDORF IN 1932. NOW IM LOOKING 4 LUV WITH A FELLOW FLOUR LOVER, DROP ME A LINE SUMTIME
NE-WAY, MAH DAD GOT THE LATEST PRESS RELEASE FROM KING AUTHOR FLOUR N CHECK DIS OUT:
Our philosophy is that we need to think like bakers as much as millers. As bakers, we know that you would rather have a superior, natural product than something that's been artificially bleached or enhanced. As millers, we believe in maintaining the highest standards and the most precise specifications in the milling industry, ensuring consistency in every bag, in every kitchen, every time. In addtion to our ongoing commitment to providing consumers with all-natural, organic, and whole-grain products, we have become a member of The Whole Grains Council.
DIS NEW BATCH OF FLOURS COMIN OUT 1/16/07, SO GET READY, IT GONNA BE THE SWEETEST YET!!! I'M WAITING IN LINE AT THE VON'S 2NITE SO IF U WANNA GET A RIDE ON THE FLOURMOBILE, HIT ME UP!!!! PEACE OUT
flour fanart by katiebug [HOT]
awesome XD!!! now dont everybody get into a panic like last time there wuz a big announcement like dis and it turned out to be a lie (bromated_big_ben was banned from #flourfriends) cuz dis one is 100% true. i called up the Kroger's and my hookup there in da produce section verified that theyre getting a couple pallettes of KAF 2night! w00t!
ive got mah unbleached imperial high gluten limited edition hoodie on, mah simply coconut organic sweatpants (the ones i bought on vacation when we went to Gary, Indiana during Millcon '05), and im ready to show everybody mah new Bob's Red Mill tattoo i got on mah thigh. man that thing hurt like a mofo lol. the docs said i shouldnt sit down for 3 weeks after i got it, but the joke wuz on them cuz im pretty much bedridden anyway wit those "weeping bread sores" on mah back. i gotta still lay on my stomach till they heal, which sux cuz my brothers always coming in mah room and messin wit mah flour bag collection. hes jes jealous lol ^_-
flour fanart by buckwheatshot
tai said on her myspace that her flour-soul was sum graham flour used by Sylvester Graham in 1832 and i think thats so crazy becuase my flour-soul is some Thai rice flour used by a chef in Bangkok around 1832. thats crazy!!! were flour-soulmates! of course i suspected that along time becuz she send me a link to dat myspace flourfriends quiz were u find out what type of flour you are (my mom is chickpea flour lolllllllll) and we both got atta flour and wtf i dont even like atta flour!!!!! but thats okay becuz it was just for fun and nobody got hurt. then i took this iq quiz on www.findfreefriends.com and scored an awesome 175, it said i was at da top of all smart people. lool i just realized today is turesday so that means i gotta pick up my glass of water and put it down 503 times because otherwise my ocd gets me really antsy and i want to burn off my skin with road flares
..::snuggles up to a warm bag of flour::..
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and i couldnt end this update without thanking mah friends on #flourfriends for backin me up yesterday when those trolls from something aweful came over and posted mean comments on mah blog... those dudez are lozers lol. \_/ thanks to final_flourtesy, glutinous gabe, PEACEMEAL, da grainmaker, arrowroot ash, Soyanara, and chris barley for stickin to those stupid trolls when they started postin all those stupid flames here, lol something awefull is right, there site is something awfule ahahahahahhahahaaaa!!! ;_;
those morans probably dont even know the differance between stoneground and reconstituted flour, yet they think theyre smart enuff to come here and start postin mean stuff and making fun of me just because i made terrible love to 2 bags of cornmeal last night. u bigots are racist sexists loosers and u have NO RIGHT to judge me and da rest of us flourfriends and say mean lies about us thats totally bs. x_x lets clear up a few things for u ideots out there:
fanart by bread-n-butta
1) us flourfriends ARE NOT SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO FLOUR!!! we have a magical and deep bond with flour that u couldnt understand becuase your all gluten intolerants. when u write slander and libel about me and make claims like gooney_goon_god did when he wrote "LOL GO HAVE SEX WITH A BAG OF FLOUR YOU SICKO" guess what?? thats a hate crime and i could throw you in jail for 20 years if i felt like it. but the effexor makes me slow in the brain and i dont fell like calling the cops on you AGAIN. SO LEAVE MAH COMMENTS ALONE OR ELSE ILL FILE A PATRIOT ACT ON U. u ideots are so closet minded just like fundie xians and that stuped doctor who wouldant refill my adderall I HAVE ASPERGERS FOR CHRIST;'S SAKE!!! n.n
2) I DO HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF THE INTERNET!!! i used to work at kroger's until they fired me (somebody set me up by putting flour all over mah pants and underpants and put the bag in mah locker and said i was smuggling it in mah pants but thats a lie and you know it Edward), then ah worked running the general mills fanring until google adsense kicked us off for posting ads next to my photo of freaky_flour_facial.jpg. i dont have a job now but this might all change if this printing firm in Locking road hires me to admin their microsoft frontpage files. i hope they let me do it remotely becuz there are some days there are too many black bats outside and i dont want to leave the house. I TOOK AN IQ TEST ONLINE ON MYSPACE DOT COM AND IT SAID I WAS 186 SO SUCK ON THAT YOU STUPED RETARDS,,,
3) NOBODY GETS HURT!!!!!!!! there are NO VICTIMS here in flourfriends. yeah unlike u stupied illigal child molestors, a man can personaly enjoy his flour in his own home and its not illegal and u can do whatever u want with flour because america was founded on the land of the free and home of the free. ITS CALLED RELIGIOUS PURSECUTION IF YOU DENY ME A JOB BECAUSE I SLEEP WITH FLOUR!!!! THE PILGRIMS FLED ENGLAND IN 1600 BECAUSE THEY WERE TIRED OF RILIOGUS PURSECUTION OF THE KING'S NARROWMINDED RILIGION!!!! THIS ISNT NAZY GERMANY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. *_*;;;"[[}[(*&@@
im tired of being descriminated against just becuz im a flourfriend and u "NORMALS" dont understand us. i have an iq of 192 according to www.freeiqtestandps3.com and my mom said im the smartest kid shes ever homeschooled (TAKE THAT, BROTHER). i cant wait until i save up 23,000,000 gold on gaia so i can buy those hair extensions ive been looking at. my left index finger has 39 hairs growing out of the top of it. my sweat smells like Tang. ^^; also i hate u stuped encyclopedia dramatic ediots for takeing mah pictuer and putting the caption "FAT FLOUR FAGGOT" on it, tahts a hate crime and ill take u down a peg or two u just wait
fanart by handrye jager
In these contentious political times it is more important than ever to work together in a bipartisan way with the people who said I should be thrown out of a helicopter for being an Antifa terrorist.
This Halloween, log off and visit your friends at the local Halloween Superstore.
Better than expected, and absolute garbage
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.