This article is part of the The Great American Reach Around series.


Mayen, Germany

Mayen... maybe the most boring town of Germany. Located in the Eifel which is the place where Germany has its rednecks. It is like its own country, in the country.

We have a classic castle in the middle of the town and there are others just some kilometers around. It is a great place to do vacations. When you don´t want to see anybody, just walk about 15 minutes in any direction and you will find deep wood where you can walk for hours.

If you like cars, this is Germany's place to be. The Nuerburgring is just 20km away. You can see exotic cars on almost everyday of the week. Also seeing 18 year old kids crashing Daddy's Audi TT can be fun. In Mayen itself you can see one of the biggest collections of ugly riced up VW Golfs in Germany.

One of Germany's biggest homes for difficult children is also located in Mayen. It is like Hogwarts, just with more fist fights.

The majority of the people here are old and/or farmer, because young people don´t want to stay here. There are not many jobs, public transportation is bad and when you don´t like to get wasted in a marquee or a cheap disco with a following punchfest every weekend, this is not your place to live.

When you like to know something about the people who live here, be prepared to drink a lot of "Bitburger"-beer, because: Most of them are against everything that is foreign, even if you are a German from another town or city. Don´t mistake their fear of everything foreign with racism. They aren´t racist, you just have get warm with them (don´t try to make a funny Germans = Hitler/Nazi joke, or you risk a punch in your face).

If you want to now more about a person from the "Eifel" you can try it when they are drunk. They will tell you the most awesome stories. From drunken pursuits with the police to other nice encounters. Soccer is always a good choice to start a conversation. You see, every social encounter has something to do with alcohol.

We also have got some kinds of small "scenes":
Punk scene: Kids from the age 15-18 who wear shirts with "Che" and "Fuck Bush", with rich or middle/upper class parents.
Goth scene: See above, just with fatter kids.
Gangstas: The rest from these (15-18) kids.

The main job of our mayor is to pose on at least 10 of 15 pictures in our local newspaper, every week.

Once in a year the Nuerburgring becomes the Mecca of Germanys Rock loving audience. For me and about 80.000 other people this is one of the best happenings all the year.

Thanks to fellow Goon Jaicy for making the photos.

Thanks for sticking with me through another installment of the Great American Reach Around. We have nearly reached around all the way to the end, so stay tuned for the final installments. If you have any complaints or comments you can always send me a message. I promise you, I read them all!

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2023 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful