Ted Cruz - Belial (Basket Case)

They share a disturbing face, both get really weird around women, and they live in a basket. Possibly the same basket.


Marco Rubio - Blade (Puppet Master)

A puppet who serves good or evil depending on whether Nazis are around to make him look good by comparison. He has a knife hand and bullet eyes that can shoot from his eye sockets.


Rand Paul - Stripe (Gremlins)

Popped out of an adorable puppet creature (Ron Paul), has memorable hair, sometimes lovable, but completely self-interested. Also vulnerable to being placed in a microwave.


Chris Christie - Rancor (Star Wars)

Ill-tempered brute who will devour anything The Boss throws down into his sewer. Definitely stop motion in some shots.


John Kasich - Toilet Ghoulie (Ghoulies)

One is green, lives in a toilet, and will eat ass and the other one is from a movie called Ghoulies.


– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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