Ted Cruz - Belial (Basket Case)
They share a disturbing face, both get really weird around women, and they live in a basket. Possibly the same basket.
Marco Rubio - Blade (Puppet Master)
A puppet who serves good or evil depending on whether Nazis are around to make him look good by comparison. He has a knife hand and bullet eyes that can shoot from his eye sockets.
Rand Paul - Stripe (Gremlins)
Popped out of an adorable puppet creature (Ron Paul), has memorable hair, sometimes lovable, but completely self-interested. Also vulnerable to being placed in a microwave.
Chris Christie - Rancor (Star Wars)
Ill-tempered brute who will devour anything The Boss throws down into his sewer. Definitely stop motion in some shots.
John Kasich - Toilet Ghoulie (Ghoulies)
One is green, lives in a toilet, and will eat ass and the other one is from a movie called Ghoulies.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Play your entire PS1 library from a single SD card. But not your Brady Strategy Guides.
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