INT. CASA DE GIAMATTI - NIGHT
Pan across sleeping bodies tangled in sheets. Branches ominously tap against a window. Glass breaks OC. PAUL GIAMATTI sits up in bed. Walks across bedroom and steps in vomit from his DIABETIC CAT.
Paul Giamatti curses and hops into kitchen, trying not to step on his vomit-covered foot. Turns on light. OTS REVEAL obese female INTRUDER dressed all in black except for "I <3 Paul Giamatti" Zazzle t-shirt.PAUL GIAMATTI
What the hell!?
Intruder panics and bolts, tearing open plastic grocery bag packed with looted Giamatti memorabilia - combs, toothbrushes, dirty laundry, etc. Paul Giamatti grabs his cordless phone, still hopping to not step in cat vomit, and tries to pursue the intruder and dial 911. He hops right onto the teeth of a brush and falls over.WOMAN
Paul!? Are you okay? What's going on?
A dazed Paul Giamatti looks up. PAN to bed-headed and wrapped in a sheet, the RUBENESQUE DENTAL HYGENIST from Episode 104 - Paul's Tartar.
CU on dropped phone.911 OPERATOR
911, what is your emergency?PAUL GIAMATTI
I'm Paul fucking Giamatti!CUT TO opening credits.
BLACK LIVES MATTER!!! NOOOOOOO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU HAVE CREATED A MONSTER, AN ABSOLUTE MONSTER!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Play your entire PS1 library from a single SD card. But not your Brady Strategy Guides.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.