This article is part of the Roamin' Dad series.
HELLO FROM YOUR FINANCIAL FATHER!!!!!! I am striking it big these days because my current job is the pet watcher for the credit union here which means that if you come into the building with your little dog or morbid cat I hold him or her and pet them and everything while you go do your total banking solution in our office. If you sign up for a loan we give the pet a bath (run a wet rag over the pet) this almost always makes the pet feel real bad and me too. Friday was an especially bad shift because at one point I had 4 cats and 5 small to medium dogs in the Pet Pens and they started getting loud and I couldn't help but escape in my mind to the day when I will be running this horrible credit union and I will sit out in front in a lawn chair and at my command will be 2 giant arms made of pets that I will wave around to attract new cars / customers until things get real sweaty outdoors
We also have to be real careful to wash all the fruit we put out for the customers I don't want to go into detail but lets just say i had a bad dream about bad produce in the lobby and a foul mouthed homeless man eating a can of tuna out of his own sunken chest cavity.. in fact I am drawing up disaster plans for a variety of circumstances:
PLEASE JOIN MY CREDIT UNION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOODBYE
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.