The Spring term is about to commence and there have been some changes to he school uniform here at National High School. You may notice that you are no longer required to wear only silver or black buttons and may now also wear gold buttons on your jackets. Also, you will now be required to wear your black velvet hood. This includes during lunch, gymnasium activities, assemblies, and all athletic activities on school grounds. If you are part of the swimming team please wear your swim hood. Accommodations are being made for the wrestling team who will not be required to wear the hood but will now be asked to wrestle in complete darkness.
Some parents have expressed concerns that hoods completely dehumanize the students and erase the last vestiges of their identity for no apparent gain to academic performance. They say that in the span of a generation our education system has become an unrecognizable crucible of horror and violence.
We hear these concerns loud and clear. The hoods, however, address something much larger: the souls of the students. We believe that by erasing all identity we will eliminate any need for students to act out in any way, including violently, humorously, or to form dangerous human connections with one another.
Two hoods are currently available, with a rounded hood in otter black for the gents and a peaked hood with a scalloped mouth in midnight black for the ladies. These hoods are made from comfortable, breathable material that allows no light to enter and will protect your children as they are shunted through the tunnels to their classes. The webs are back this year, so we are asking all families to donate hooks for the less fortunate children in each grade. If you have a set lying about, rinse them off, box them up and send them in with your student, or just share you generosity in the form of a check.
If your children have any special needs or concerns related to the hoods, our school doctor will be available in the mornings to calm them with an injection.
We also must parents once again to warn your children not to open the door to Room 141. The padlocks slough off during the night and the watchers do their best to have them back on before start of day each morning. However, a few students in the Winter term managed to get the door open. We cannot be held responsible for what has happened to their bones.
Don't forget to buy your tickets to the Spring dance! The hoods are to be worn at the dance also.
BLACK LIVES MATTER!!! NOOOOOOO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU HAVE CREATED A MONSTER, AN ABSOLUTE MONSTER!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Play your entire PS1 library from a single SD card. But not your Brady Strategy Guides.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.