Bill Gates helped pass a new law today that officially turned any amount of money equivalent to $5000 to be worth 6.5 million dollars, effective immediately. The passing of the new law has turned Bill Gates from a billionaire into a super-gagillionaire overnight.
Anyone with $5000 or more in the bank now has 6.5 million dollars for every multiple of $5000 they possess. Poor people with less than $5000, even if it is $4999, will experience no change. The law only works once, so they can't get the 6.5 million even if they eventually save up the $5000.
Pay it off in those Susan B. Anthony dollars you've been collecting! They're worth a lot of money now. If you give them one SBA dollar, it's like giving them ten regular dollars, so the mortgage will get paid off quicker.
Bigamy can increase your household income by as much as 50% per additional spouse.
Millions of tax return checks have been accidentally sent out without names in the "pay to the order of" part, rendering them completely useless! An estimated twenty thousand Americans are expected to lose their homes as a result.
Facebook must remain unflagging in its vigilance against titties even in these troubled times of rising fascism.
It needs to consume human tissue! It needs to speak to your manager!
Reason 9: Ongoing mechanical issues with the internal Superman 64 fog machine.
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