That used to be a shag carpet, but not anymore! Now it's smooth as marble, all thanks to Ultra Shave!


Everyone at the steel mill is drunk on this shit because it's cheaper than moonshine. Accidents have skyrocketed! The steel industry expects to post record losses this year.

Applewhite! Women can't stop buying crackrings! It's like Ring Pop only instead of candy it's crack.


Get this: Clothes... for sharks.

Thanks to Applewhite and the Goons for making these ads finally live up to their clickbait claims!

– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller

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