Spike TV! You just shot straight to the top there "fep 3000"!

I'm a wrench.

Didn't you get the memo? All movies are required to be about black oppression now.

How great would it be to be a celebrity? My God, you would have tons of would-be slaves at your disposal. If I were a celebrity I would have them carry out my evil plans. If I needed to block someone's driveway with a human wall all I would need to do is just say the word. Oh man I would block so many driveways.

There's still people who actually give a shit about Star Trek? Wow. Color me impressed.

My girlfriend would leave me in a second if it meant she could have Ewan McGreggor's manbabies. I must admit I could say the same thing about Redd Fox.

Last I heard "Fresh Funky" was sent to live with his relatives in Bel-Air.

Expected pudding quip here.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2018 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.