Words That Need To Be Banned in the New Year

Language is a living, breathing, reproducing, all-devouring, many-faced, remorseless thing. It requires new flesh and must slough off the old to prevent infection. We do not want language to die so we must remove these words in this upcoming year of 2015.

Small food, unremarkable. You can cut an oat, but at this point, why would you? No longer needed. Replace it with groat which means gross oat because oat are gross.

Said sarcastically or as you are leaning over. DO NOT DO THIS THING. We spent centuries learning how to form sentences out of blood and dirt and this is what you're going to do to language?

One lady equals one gentleman. It is only when you allow yourself to perceive the difference that one manifests. Or when you are playing puzzle games on your phone. Try again.

Please stop using this word in letters and signs you hold up outside my house and do not shout it at me as I roll down a hill and into my special bucket back truck. My bones are large and getting larger. Do you know what bones I am talking about, feminists? The sex bones.

Shortening words is another way we fail to respect the past and edit god out of our lives.

We get it, you have robot arms, you're a Big Deal. You know who else was a big deal? Bill Cosby. Now look at him. Eliminate this common term for cool cyber dudes immediately.

Good riddance to these things. They're like hissy worms that bite you. The first step in eradicating them is to stop talking about them. The second step is drones. They worked on feminism.

Finally vanquished in 2014. No more need for this ugly word.

Do you have any suggestions? Keep them to yourself. Nobody frigging asked you.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)