NJGuido, submitted by Malevolent.PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR! I'll admit that I'm not a very social person, and my idea of going out to party is to a dark wooden bar drinking pints, or occasionally sticking my head out the window to swear at the birds. Well, after viewing this site it confirms all my reasons not to leave the house to spend $100 on one night of drinking. Now I know what you geeks are thinking, "omg there's some hot girls on the site i hope they kiss me". WRONG. Behind the sexual eye candy facade lies something much more foul. Go ahead and click on "writings". Go ahead, I double dog dare you. Yep, it's stories/fan fiction about clubbing. This is about as dense as it gets. Check out the one about "shot girl".
"As the night went on, my memory started to fade as the shots seemed to get stronger and stronger. I don’t remember how many more shots we did or what we talked about, but I do remember the music stopping and the lights going on. I knew my time was now or never. As I gazed into her bright, beautiful blue eyes, my mind became a runaway locomotive. I struggled to find words to say. This was my moment, the pivot point in the plot. As I was about to make my move, she opened her angelic mouth and spoke the words:
"So I’ll see you around then, ok?"
I don’t remember how the rest of the evening went. I vaguely remember grabbing a slice of 7 Star and hoping in a cab. The next thing I remember was waking up in my bed. I had a huge hangover, there was no tall blonde with large breasts in my bed, and $115 was missing from my wallet. Once again, I felt truly alone.
I guess that I learned something out of my night with the shot girl. You see, in the game of life, sometimes we get side tracked on what’s important to us. I don’t think that April is particularly a bad person for distracting me from my original goal. She was merely an obstacle in the road. In the short run, my Friday night in Hoboken would appear to have been a failure. However, in the long run, I accomplished what I set out to do. I found my haven and I partied like a rock star. In spite of the weather, I survived the odds, and the great thing about life is that, for every Friday night in the weekend, there’s always a Saturday and Sunday."
PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR! Dude that guy blew it big time, but at least he did it spending tons of money and drinking a lot of booze. Don't get me wrong, I'm a really big fan of whiskey (it fights goblin infection), but these are the kind of shallow individuals that make me want to set off a pyrotechnic fire in a crowded club. Don't forget to check out their forums if you really want to see some sad specimens, and send an order in for the NJGUIDO thong before they run out.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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