Lure of the Ring, submitted by Wormtounge.To celebrate "Return of the King" coming out in theatres this week, I thought I would treat you all to a related awful link. We all know that the internet is a terrible place, and continually destroys all we know and love, so it's know surprise that our beloved Lord of the Rings is being defiled. But that doesn't make it any easier to stomach. Take "The Lure of the Ring" for example. It features only gay fan fiction mostly between Aragorn and Legolas, with a sprinkle of hunky Boromir. Not only is there NC-17 stories, there is a BDSM section for the fans of more hardcore Lord of the Ring gay fan fiction. Here is an excerpt from a story about Legolos getting raped.
Legolas renewed his struggles as hands tore at his clothing. He fought with them, his fists and feet finding their marks in flesh. Yet in the end, he could not overcome the odds against him. His tunic was jerked violently over his head. He hung, humiliated, as his leggings were stripped down his legs.
Panting with exertion, he could only wait, every muscle tensed. He was painfully aware of his bare flesh as bodies pressed around him once more. A hand slid down his ribs. He jerked away with a hiss. The hand returned to pinch a nipple. Legolas backed away, stumbling into the body behind him. Hands touched him though he tried to twist out of reach. Strokes along his neck, around his waist. A firm hand slid over his hip and down the curve of his buttock.
"Do not touch me!" he snarled as fingers dipped into the cleft of his buttocks. The fingers did not cease their path until they'd delved between and found the entrance to his body. "Nay!" he repeated with mounting desperation. A finger circled him, but did not enter.
"Mayhap I may make you beg for it," said the familiar, hated voice in his ear.
Before Legolas could begin to guess at his captors' next intentions, a hand curled around his limp sex and began to stroke it. Legolas ground his teeth together, determined not to make a sound as fire began to build in his groin. His body betrayed him as much as he tried to resist. Within the stroking palm, he grew firm and hard. A thumb swept over the head of his erection and he shuddered.
"Nay," he moaned, unable to pull his hips away for the firm grip on his flesh. Harder and faster the hand stroked him, making his knees tremble in response. He tried to keep himself still, but tiny shudders worked their way through his body. He felt the heat of arousal fan across his neck and face. "Stop this," he protested, sickened.
Awesome. Nothing really surprises me anymore, but seeing how this is my favorite story and now my favorite trilogy of movies, I can't say that it doesn't bother me at least a little. Look at all this time and energy devoted to perverting the works of Tolkien by having the lead characters giving each other hand jobs. Shouldn't they be out building homeless shelters or at the very least engaging in a destructive crack habit? I'll leave all you poor Lord of the Rings fans with a picture called "embrace". They say love cannot exist between human and elf kind, but they didn't say anything about hardcore anal sex.
You have my sword!
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? You may have heard that before. But what if you could use 100%? YOU CAN!
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.