Imaginary Girlfriends, submitted by Xenopax. Who has time for a relationship in this crazy workaday 21st century information age world we live in? Well, most people do, but for some there just isn't enough time in the day to meet and fall in love. That's why imaginary girlfriends offers all of the experiences of having a girlfriend without the sex or actually having a girlfriend part. Think of it as a form of intellectual prostitution.
What is an Imaginary Girlfriend?
An Imaginary Girlfriend is exactly that. This is a service provided by a real life girl where she will pretend to be your long distance girlfriend by sending you personalized love letters, emails, pictures, leave phone messages (if you want), and provide other girlfriend-like services. This relationship appears real to others that may see these things, but it is not. There will be no actual real life meetings or relationship between you and your Imaginary Girlfriend other than that specified in your order.
My first reaction to Imaginary Girlfriends was a sort of sinking despair that our society has fallen to the point where there is a demand for this. My second reaction was that hey, Japan has probably been doing this exact thing for almost 20 years, and God hasn't smote Japan yet.
Even though I am in a happy relationship I plan on purchasing two imaginary girlfriends in the near future so that I can imaginarily cheat on one of them. Then one can catch me on the phone with my other imaginary girlfriend and we will break up and then I will go pretend to live in my imaginary girlfriend's parent's basement. I will wallow in imaginary depression for a few months and then I will pass the imaginary BAR exam and get an imaginary job as an imaginary lawyer.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
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