Cetacean Creations, submitted by Bogo. I was in the South Pacific about a decade ago dating this mammoth whale chick and she could do all sorts of crazy shit with her songs. She was kind of fruity, but it was pretty awesome watching her freeze a chunk of the ocean with a song or create a tsunami by singing off key. Anyway, I dumped the bitch because she was one of those crazy artist types and she wrote the most agonizing poetry ever and I got tired of telling her it was good and not at all pretentious. Looking at this website, I'm reminded of her all over again and that doesn't make me happy. This dumbass human spends all his free time drawing pictures of whales and dolphins having sex with each other, jerking themselves off, and banging horses. Horses! How the hell do horses and dolphins have sex? Who even thinks of that?
Looking at this crap makes me want to level SeaWorld and fist Shamu's blowhole. My hands are the size of Mack trucks, so I don't think that dumb whale would be doing very well after that surprise dilation. I want to level this so called "artist's" whole city, but I'm afraid he'd just draw pictures of me getting it on with Laserdactyl or King Arachnoid in the Area 55 blast chamber. I tell you, you humans have a real wakeup call coming. One day I might just put you all out of your misery.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.